My Average Sized Human
by The Sage of Toads
Summary: Inspired by the Art of Megasweet and others, it's My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, but with a much more human element so to speak. Definitely not for kids, but definitely for the bronies.
1. Tonight the Stars Revolt! Part 1

Disclaimer: Don't run away, you haven't even begun to read it! Hey you! I see you going for that back button, sit down and read you pussy!

* * *

_Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters, who ruled together and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest sister used her powers to raise the Sun at dawn. The younger brought out the Moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects. _

_But as time went on, the younger sister became resentful. Everyone relished and played in the day her elder sister brought forth, but shunned and slept through her beautiful night. One fateful day, the younger sister refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn. The elder sister tried to reason with her, but the bitterness in the young one's heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of darkness: Nightmare Moon. She vowed that she would shroud the land in eternal night._

_Reluctantly, the elder sister harnessed the most powerful magic known: The Elements of Harmony! Using the magic of The Elements of Harmony, she defeated her younger sister and banished her permanently in the moon. The elder sister took on responsibility for both sun and moon and harmony has been maintained in Equestria for generations since._

Closing the book, scholar and apprentice to her majesty Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, hummed. "The Elements of Harmony, I know I've heard of them…but where?"

On a ladder in the library she was holed up in, a small purple and green Dragon looked down. "Say Twilight, something's always been bugging me."

Twilight Sparkle looked over to her assistant, Spike. "Yes, what is it?"

"Why is this land called Equestria? Doesn't that seem like a strange name?"

Twilight stared at Spike, and then recalled what she had known. "Well, according to legend, Equestria received its name from the three magical breeds of small sentient horses that roamed the land."

"Small…sentient…horses?" Spike asked.

"Ponies, to be specific." Twilight replied.

Spike laughed, as Twilight got up and stretched, her hands raised above her head while she lifted herself on her toes. Dropping her hands to her sides, the young woman with hair in different shades of violet, and a horn sticking from her forehead stared at her assistant. "What's so funny?"

"Ponies, huh? That sounds silly." He said.

"There are much stranger legends out there Spike. Speaking of, help me find my copy of Predictions and Prophecies." She jogged over to a book shelf, and began looking.

"I have a bad feeling." She declared worriedly.

**My Average-Sized Human**

Tonight the Stars Revolt! Part 1

_This story is inspired by the art of Megasweet. Oh dear, this is going to be heading places, isn't it?_

**[1.]**

_My dearest teacher, _

_My continuing studies of magic have led me to discover, that we're on the precipice of disaster._

"Wait. Preci…precip…?"

"Threshold."

"Thresh…?"

"Brink!"

A clueless stare is the only reply.

"Now you're just messing with me."

"Hah, yeah pretty much. Okay, precipice of disaster and go."

_For you see, the mythical Mare in the Moon is in fact Nightmare Moon and she's about to return to Equestria and bring with her eternal night. Something must be done to make sure this terrible prophecy does not come true._

_I await your quick response._

_Your faithful student_,

_T__wilight Sparkle_

Oh but of course, Princess Celestia, absolute ruler of Equestria, Goddess of the Day and Night, and single greatest force of magic in the known world would be more than eager to avert a terrible prophecy. That is, of course, if Celestia actually felt that dire threats to her kingdom and her right to rule were more important than planning a stupid party.

"Make some friends? She wants me to make preparations for the party and _make some friends_? How does doing that even begin to prepare us for the doom that is coming to Equestria?" Twilight complained, and quite loudly, as they soared through the Equestrian skies aboard a sleek, winged white sailing yacht that looked as at home in the sky as it was on the water.

She was at the bow, watching the terrain pass between them, and their destination loom closer. Even from the air it looked so…mundane.

Behind her, her dragon assistant tried to see the upside. "Look on the bright side, the Princess arranged so you could stay in the library. That's good, isn't it?"

"Of course it's good. It means I can hurry up with the preparations, and then find solid proof of Nightmare Moon's return!" Twilight declared. Then Celestia would have to act, she reasoned to herself.

The yacht dove, swooping over the treetops before it came to a slow hover over a clearing. Looking around, Twilight looked over to the steering house of the craft. "Where's the airfield?"

Peering back through the window the helmsman, a young man who lacked the horn she possessed called back. "Sunnyville doesn't have an airfield. You're going to have to just hop out here."

"Doesn't have an airfield? Oh, fine." This was just getting better and better. Picking up Spike and her bag, Twilight walked to the edge of the yacht before calling back to the helmsman. "Thank you, sir."

"Oh, anything for the Princess's Apprentice!" The sailor called back.

Spike tucked under her arm and her large duffel bag secured over her shoulder, Twilight Sparkle jumped and dropped to the ground several stories below. Before she hit the ground, however, her horn began to glow, and her descent slowed to a feather-light landing in the knee-high grass.

With a flap of its wings, the yacht pushed off into the sky, and then performed a steep, sweeping bank back in the direction of home, the capital of Equestria, Camelot.

Spike frowned at the maneuver. "How come he never flies like that when we're on board?"

"Because I get airsick, remember the trip to Philadelphia?" Twilight replied.

Well he did now, that was hilarious. "All over the Princess, I'm amazed she took it so well."

Twilight rolled her eyes and began walking towards their destination, Sunnyville. It didn't take them long to reach the main path into the rustic, picturesque town, whose only sign of modernity seemed to be the line of electrical poles that ran along the road.

Squirming from under her arm, Spike fell to his feet and jogged to keep up with his mother-figure's longer strides. "This isn't so bad! It's quaint, quiet, like something out of a postcard!"

"There also isn't a café to be found for miles." She looked at her bag, and thanked herself for bringing her own coffeemaker.

Spike would not have this pessimism from her. "Come on, I bet this town has way more interesting things than just some boring old café."

Something interesting, in fact came walking their way. It was a young woman whose favorite color wasn't hard to guess, given her pink shirt, pink skirt, and out of control pink hair–though the army boots were a bit odd.

Spike looked to Twilight. "Come on, maybe the folk here in Sunnyville have interesting things to talk about! Just try, at least."

Twilight looked towards the pink-themed woman. "Uh, hello?"

"Hi! Nice sweater vest, stranger!" The bubbly woman complimented as she walked by, like she had things to do.

"Oh, thanks." Twilight looked down at herself. She took pride in her appearance, so that was nice.

The woman, however, stopped mid-step, and became entirely frozen. "Wait."

She whirled around and stared at Twilight with wide blue eyes. "A stranger in Sunnyville?"

Suddenly, things felt a whole lot of awkward. "Um…?"

The strange, pink-themed woman gasped dramatically, and then ran for her life much faster than she ought to have been able to, as Spike noted.

"Never seen an Earth Folk run that fast, especially one with that much around the hips." He joked.

Twilight let out a sigh. "Oh yeah, this is an interesting place alright."

"Okay, that was weird, but don't get bent out of shape! Come on; let's get our stuff to the library and work on the overseeing." Spike said before they headed off.

* * *

"Wow. That is a lot of apples." Twilight said.

Sweet Apple Acres, their first stop on their overseeing job, was an apple orchard that spread further than they could see. Rows and rows of healthy, fruit-laden apple trees that painted the hills green with speckles of bright red. Just looking at all the apples reminded Twilight that she had only a light breakfast to keep from getting sick on the flight to Sunnyville.

"Sweet Apple Acres, they're in charge of banquet preparations." Spike checked the list.

Twilight let out a small laugh. "I wonder what the theme of the banquet's going to be."

The ground shook, startling both of them. Spike looked at the ground. "Whoa, that was weird."

"Yes it was, Sunnyville doesn't lay on any major faults…" The ground shook again, surprising Twilight. Her horn began to glow, and when the ground shook again, she turned her head towards the direction of the trees. "It came from that way, let's go!"

Quickly, the two left the path and headed into the orchard, where they found baskets full of apples arranged around the trees, and a tall, blonde, and very fit young woman standing under a tree surrounded by more of the empty baskets.

"Another Earth Folk…" Spike whispered.

Adjusting the cowboy hat atop her head, the young woman adopted a fighting stance that Twilight immediately identified. "Equestrian Army CQC?"

In an explosion of power, the young woman shot forward and punched the tree with such force that it shook from the base of the trunk to the leaves at its top, amazing both Twilight and Spike. Then, the young woman spun around and kicked the tree with all her might, causing another tremor that shook the apples from the tree, and those in the immediate vicinity.

"Whoa…" Twilight had never seen an Earth Folk that strong.

"That was amazing!" Spike suddenly shouted out, surprising the young woman.

"What in tarnation…?" Applejack stopped when she saw a clearly out of place Horned Folk city girl and her pet dragon staring at her like she was the best thing to ever walk Celestia's Earth.

Applejack smiled and jogged over. "Howdy, can I help you round these parts? You look a little lost."

Twilight's awe evaporated as she quickly got to business. "Oh hello, my name's Twilight Sparkle. I'm not lost; I'm here on business from Camelot to–."

And then suddenly the frighteningly strong Earth Folk was shaking Twilight's hand. "Well it's a pleasure making your acquaintance, Miss Twilight!"

Twilight let Applejack do all the handshaking, because she feared if she tried to stop, her arm would be ripped off. Mercifully, she stopped. "So what can I do you for, Miss Twilight?"

Spike snickered. Twilight glanced at him, and then explained. "Well, as I was saying, I'm the Summer Sun Celebration Official Overseer. I came to check on food preparations."

"Oh, those are coming along just nicely!" Applejack said as she put an arm around her. Shoulders and led her to the farm. "The name's Applejack, by the way."

"Nice to meet you too…" Twilight checked her arm, hoping nothing had been dislocated by all that shaking.

"So, Miss Twilight, seeing as you're official overseer and everything, would you like to sample some of the fine Apple Family Foods?" Applejack asked.

"Well, I don't have much time, so…" Twilight trailed off when another voice called over to Applejack.

"Are you done getting the apples down your row, Jack?" Twilight looked towards the voice and stared at the tall, strongly built man hauling behind him a train of apple baskets a dozen yards long with sheer brute force.

"Yep, I finished and right on time too. The overseer's here from Camelot to try the food." Applejack gestured to Twilight Sparkle. "This is Twilight Sparkle."

Lowering the rope he was hauling the apples with, the tall and broad farm boy tipped the hat he wore and gave a most genial smile to Twilight. "Howdy Miss Twilight, the name's Big Macintosh, but you can call me Mac."

"H-hi…" Twilight said in a smaller voice than she had intended.

Spike saw her reaction and could barely contain his laughter. Applejack didn't notice it at all. "Yeah, that's my big brother, come on! You have to meet the rest of the Apple Family!"

Applejack quickly dragged Twilight off, as Big Macintosh resumed hauling the apples.

Twilight looked back towards Big Macintosh, and then to Applejack. "Sure! I'll stay as long as you need me to!"

Spike rolled his eyes and laughed again.

* * *

Having left the Sweet Apple Acres two hours later, Twilight cursed herself for letting her lust write checks her stomach couldn't cash. While all of that food was delicious, she was now so full that she was sure she was going to explode or something. Next to her Spike, whose stomach could be described as an incinerator that never got full, was checking the list.

"The food was great, so that's taken care of. Next up is making sure the weather is perfect." Spike looked up at the puffy clouds that occupied the sky over the path taking them from the farm back to Sunnyville.

Twilight looked at them as well. "Who is the Weather Corps Officer in charge of Sunnyville's weather?"

"That would be Rainbow Dash." Spike said.

Twilight paused. "Wait, _that_ Rainbow Dash?"

"The world record-holding Rainbow Dash, yep." Spike looked around and smirked. "I wouldn't be able to guess with all this clutter, though."

Twilight scanned the clouds, and found a particularly low one, very low, only a couple of yards off the ground. Dangling over the edge of said cloud were a pair of feet wearing rainbow colored sneakers. The woman connected to the feet was snoring very loudly.

Both walked under the cloud, and looked up. Spike looked to Twilight. "How much you want to wager that it's her?"

"Sucker bet. Spike, get her down." Twilight ordered.

Taking a deep breath, Spike spat a scorching flame that evaporated the cloud. He cut it out just as the last of the cloud turned to vapor, sending the sleeping woman falling towards the ground.

"And now I just…" Twilight had prepared to catch the falling Winged Folk, when the Winged Folk's sky blue wings shot open and she was gone in an instant. "Huh?"

Then the world was spinning, as Rainbow Dash narrowly passed Twilight and Spike, the draft causing them to spin like tops. "Try to get the jump on me, huh? You have to get up pretty early in the morning to try to prank me, Pinkie…huh?"

Rainbow Dash stared at Twilight, who was now staggering around, with her hand on her stomach. "Oh, uh…are you okay?"

"I…I'm…ugh…" Twilight, her dark-skinned face now an almost luminescent shade of green, reared back. "I think I'm about to try the Apple Family's cooking again…!"

Spike quickly got clear, as Twilight cut loose in one of the worst ways in a volume that Rainbow Dash didn't think was possible from such a tiny Horned Folk. When all was said and done, Twilight was left haggard and gasping for breath, and her swanky sweater vest soiled by what was formerly a seven course lunch.

On the bright side, she didn't feel full anymore. Twilight looked over to Spike, who was lowering a camera. She glared at him.

"Fine, I'll destroy the film later." Spike said as he put the camera back in her duffel bag. He'd send a picture to Princess Celestia first, because it was that funny.

Rainbow Dash walked over and patted Twilight on the back. "Wow, I am so sorry…"

She couldn't help but laugh, though when she saw the extent of the "damage". "Hey, let me help you clean up."

Her wings opening, Rainbow Dash took off and brought over a small cloud laden with rain, that she dumped on Twilight's head, washing every fleck and drop of vomit from her at the cost of leaving her a waterlogged mess. Rainbow Dash laughed again. "Oops, I guess I overdid it."

Reaching up to push her dripping hair from her face, Twilight glared again at Spike when he laughed at her expense. Rainbow Dash looked like she had a new idea.

"Here, let me try this!" Then suddenly Rainbow Dash was moving again, circling Twilight at high speed and leaving a rainbow colored trail that became a small tornado. "Have a taste of my patented Rain-Blow Dry!"

"Whoa…" Spike said, amazed again at the Winged Folk's speed. When the tornado vanished, he looked at Twilight, and saw that her hair was puffed out like the pink-themed girl they met earlier.

Rainbow Dash landed next to him, and snickered. "Oh, well…wow. I've never had that happen before."

"Have what happen…?" Twilight reached up and felt her now very wild hair. She looked down at her reflecting in the rain puddle below, as Spike fell over laughing hysterically. "Oh man, what."

Rainbow Dash, still snickering, walked over. "Don't sweat it, it's cute!"

She ran her fingers through Twilight's mess of hair, grazing her horn as she did. When Twilight jumped at the contact, Rainbow Dash let out a soft, amused snort.

Her face flushed, Twilight stepped back. "Uh, yes…I'm here looking for the Weather Corps Officer, who I presume is you, Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow Dash folded her arms and smirked. "The one and only, unrivaled in Equestria and the world as the fastest Winged Folk alive. So, why have you sought me out? Wanted to see me in action, an autograph or…?"

She leaned close, her rose-colored eyes narrowing seductively. "Did you want to mess around for a little bit?"

Twilight's cheeks burned a bright red, as Rainbow Dash reached up and ran the end of her finger from the underside of Twilight's horn to the tip.

Letting out a squeak, Twilight stepped back as graciously as she could. "No! No! I'm here from Camelot on business!" She regained her composure but her blush remained. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, Apprentice to Princess Celestia, and I'm here to make sure you're keeping the sky clear for the celebration tomorrow."

"Oh, that's all?" Rainbow Dash shrugged her shoulders and "I can have that done in a jiff, soon as I'm done training."

Twilight cocked her head to the side. "Training?"

"For the Wonderbolts Flying Team of course, even a Record Breaker like me needs to be at the top of my game if I want to fly with the best acrobatics display team ever." Rainbow Dash replied.

Twilight found a proverbial foothold, and stepped up. "Wait, you want to be a Wonderbolt?"

Rainbow Dash stepped back, and flexed her wings as she showed off her aerodynamically lithe figure. "They just have to see me once tomorrow during the celebration, and they'll beg me to join."

Twilight had her, yes! "Well, as the Princess's Apprentice, I have access to places and folks that most other folk could only dream of. And let me tell you, I've seen the Wonderbolts pull some crazy maneuvers…but I don't think sleeping on a cloud is one of them."

Rainbow Dash frowned. "What are you implying?"

Twilight shrugged her shoulders, her messed hair bouncing with the motion. "I'm just saying that you do not impress me, Weather Girl, especially with a sky full of clouds and a lot of informed ability."

Oh, it was most decidedly on, Rainbow Dash decided. "Ten seconds."

Twilight blinked. "Huh?"

"Start counting…now." And then Rainbow Dash was gone, straight up like a rocket.

Looking up, Twilight's eyes went wide as the clouds began to simply vanish from the sky, scattered into evaporating mist by a rainbow colored streak. Keeping count in her head, Twilight made it to eight seconds, before Rainbow Dash floated down, the high afternoon sun shining down and gleaming on her rustling wings and multi-colored hair.

Twilight and Spike were both still staring at the sky, their jaws practically unhinged.

Rainbow Dash's laughter brought them back from beyond belief, and they looked up to see her circling around above Twilight's head. "You should see the look on your face. I think that's a new record! What was that, nine seconds?"

"E-eight…" Twilight stuttered.

Rainbow Dash laughed and floated down to face Twilight, upside down. "I'd never leave Sunnyville hanging."

Twilight was still staring up at the clear sky. Seeing this, Rainbow Dash scooted closer to her and turned herself around in midair. "You're pretty okay, Twilight, I can't wait to hang out some more."

Rainbow Dash grinned, and then licked the top of her horn from the tip to the base, causing Twilight to go from stiff to trembling by the time she pulled away. "Well, gotta fly, I got more training. Later!"

She turned and zipped off into the sky, Spike watching her go. "Wow, she's amazing!"

Twilight, her entire face still red, nodded in agreement. "Definitely not like the girls back in Camelot…"

She reached up and touched her horn, and shivered from the rush of sensation it brought. Oh, that Rainbow Dash pushed her buttons _just right_.

* * *

On to the town hall Twilight and Spike went, where they expected to meet with the one in charge of decorations, a Horned Folk by the name of Rarity. On entering the Town Hall, Twilight's expectations where again surpassed and left shattered by the beauty and splendor of the decor. She had to hand it to Sunnyville, the folk here had some eccentric personalities but they were on task like crazy.

"Beautiful." Spike said in awe as they walked in.

Twilight was looking at the intricate banners, ribbons, and streams that all sparkled magically. "Yes, the décor is quite pretty. Just check in and we'll be on our way to the library in no time!"

Spike shook his head. "Not that, her."

Twilight looked over, and found their target, the elegantly styled and kept Rarity–who was using the magic from her horn to tie up a final ribbon. "Oh yes, that is perfect."

She checked the expensive-looking watch on her wrist. She was ahead of schedule, too! "Oh Rarity, you are in the zone, as they say!"

Spike was quickly grooming himself, futile as it was, but Twilight handed it to him for aiming high. She certainly didn't raise any underachiever.

"Good afternoon," She called to Rarity, "My name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm the Summer Sun Celebration Preparation Overseer from…"

She trailed off, and stopped when Rarity turned and began staring blankly at her. Ah yes, the other shoe had to fall, didn't it? "Um…okay?"

Rarity spoke. "Oh my stars, please don't tell me that industrial disaster Pinkie Pie calls a coiffure has caught on."

Twilight looked up at her hair. "Uh, no, I just had an incident."

Rarity then looked down. "I see, but there's no excuse for that sweater vest."

"What's wrong with my sweater vest?" Twilight looked down at it. It was in her favorite color and it looked good on her, or so she believed.

Rarity walked over. "A much better question is what isn't wrong with it? We need to get you into something far more fitting, and something done about that hair!"

Twilight was taken aback. "Wait, but I have a lot of work to do…!"

"Oh, goodness don't you fret! I offer this service as a service! Folk should not go around looking like you do if they don't want to!" Rarity declared as she ushered Twilight out.

"Wait, where are we going?" Twilight, tried to get free, but it was not working. "I need an adult, I need an adult!"

"I am an adult, dear." Rarity replied, and out they went.

Within minutes, Twilight wound up at Rarity's home and place of business, bent over a sink, with Rarity working shampoo into the nigh unmanageable mess that was her hair with both hands. Spike was standing idly by, too love-struck to do anything but watch Rarity work.

"Your hair is just…oh it is the absolute worst!" Rarity declared as she struggled to work it into a rich lather.

The white horn on her forehead glowing, Rarity levitated a bottle of shampoo and added a little more, working it in and finally succeeding in managing to untangle much of her hair. Twilight had already resigned herself to this, reasoning that she had already wasted time today, and hopefully it would be over after this.

Twilight adjusted the towel that had been draped over her now bare shoulders with her own towel. Rarity had disposed of her sweater vest and blouse, promising to give her something much better to wear. "Tell me, Rarity was it? Do you wash and dress any folk who just happens to be having a bad hair day?"

"My dear, as a connoisseur of fashion and as a Lady, it is my noble duty to tend to the needs of others, and you are truly a girl in need." Rarity replied as she levitated the sink's hose over Twilight's head and began to rinse out the shampoo.

She quickly began to apply conditioner, levitating a team of combs to work it through her hair. "Goodness, now that it's beginning to agree with me, I must say you have the most dazzling hair. The colors are just a perfect complement to your complexion dear, and your eyes."

Leaving the combs to work, Rarity dried off her hands and headed for her many racks of clothes. "You just need attire that goes with it. What did you say your name was again?"

"Twilight Sparkle, I'm from–ow!" One of the combs had pulled a little too hard. "I'm from Camelot, on official duty-!"

Rarity gasped. "Camelot? I am so envious! The glamour, the sophistication! I have always dreamed of living there."

She was excited to know someone from such a nexus of social upward-ness. "Darling, you must tell me all about it!"

"There's not much I can, I–ow–spent most of the time at the palace–ow–library–ow!" Twilight batted at the combs. "Could you ease up?"

"Oh, no, no, no, there are still tangles and they have to come out." Rarity said as she held up a plain white button-up shirt. It was too plain, but for this girl it could work, it was just missing something.

She then looked back towards Twilight, surprised even further. "You work at the palace?"

"I'm Princess Celestia's–ow–apprentice–ow, darn it!" This was worse than when her Mom or the Princess would wash her hair!

Today was just getting better and better for Rarity. "The Princess's Apprentice, why this is such an honor! Of all the folk from Camelot to come through our sleepy little town today, I have the privilege to meet someone of such status!"

This was swoon worthy, getting close to the Princess's Apprentice meant getting closer to the Princess, and from there, closer to _that man_…

"Oh Twilight, I do hope we become the best of friends!" Rarity said as she again rinsed Twilight's hair and sent the combs through it again. Much to Twilight's relief, the combs didn't catch any tangles, and passed through smoothly.

Rarity spotted a brown jacket sitting on a rack, and snapped her fingers. "Yes, that's perfect!"

The combs finally left her hair alone, and Rarity returned, draping both coat and shirt over a chair. "Now then, let's get you dried up and styled."

Twilight stepped back from the sink, and sighed in relief as Rarity brought several blow dryers to bear with her magic and sent them to work. In no time, her hair was dried, brushed, and styled to exactly as it was before her run in with Rainbow Dash, but it was shinier and softer than before, giving off even a sparkle or two.

"It's amazing…" Twilight said as she examined her hair.

"Of course it is, darling, but I only brought out the beauty it always had. You should take much better care of your hair." Rarity admonished, before she had a brilliant idea. "Oh, I know, I'd be happy to do your hair again at any time."

"How generous of you…" Almost too generous, it reminded Twilight of the girls in Camelot, who attempted to get cozy with her for their own ends.

Rarity laughed regally. "Oh think nothing of it, as I said it is my duty as a Lady to tend to the needs of others."

Twilight finished drying herself off, as Rarity came over with even more clothes, a pair of black shorts and brown leggings. "Here, put these on."

"Um, okay…" Twilight began to get dressed, and glanced at Spike. "Do you mind?"

Spike was reading Rarity's portfolio, which was full of her pictured in different dresses. "Nothing I haven't seen already."

Twilight rolled her eyes and took off her pants, prompting Rarity to snicker. "My, my, you really do need a wardrobe update. Sun print panties?"

Twilight slapped her hands over her backside, her face red. "They're my favorite!"

Well, that and Princess Celestia insisted that she wear them, and what kind of apprentice turned down her mist–mentor? Rarity only gave a gentle smile, and Twilight began to smile herself, before both laughed. Without further complaint, she finished dressing and stared at herself in the mirror.

"This is definitely better than my sweater vest." Twilight admitted.

Rarity, bringing Twilight's old clothes to her in a small bag, looked at the reflection as well. "Yes, but it is lacking something. I just can't figure out what."

She scrutinized the mirror, and then had it. "Of course, it needs a dash of color!"

She quickly went and rummaged around, before returning with a bright red necktie. She put it on Twilight, and snugly fit it into place, before turning to allow her to appraise herself.

Twilight nodded. "Okay, I admit I really like this look. Thanks."

She checked the clock. "Well, I really have to be going; I have a great deal of work to do."

Rarity nodded. "Yes, of course. We should meet for tea tomorrow; I just have to hear more about Camelot."

Using her magic, Twilight lifted Spike over and caught him. "Come on Spike, let's get going. We have just one more thing to do, and plenty of daylight to burn!"

Spike looked back to Rarity and waved to her. "Call me!"

As they left, Rarity raised an eyebrow. Did that tiny dragon just make a pass at her?

* * *

"You have to admit, the look is nice on you." Spike said as he rode atop the back of Twilight's duffel bag.

Twilight looked back at him. "But not as nice as Rarity, right?"

Spike heaved a lovesick sigh. "Not even close."

"She's out of your league, I'm just warning you." Twilight said before she checked the list herself. "Finally we have music. That is supposed to be taken care of by a Winged Folk named Fluttershy."

Twilight stopped. "…Who names their kid Fluttershy?"

She looked to Spike, who shrugged his shoulders, and then kept walking. The path they followed soon left Sunnyville, and reached the edge of the dense and dark Everfree Forest. Twilight knew well of this place, a massive patch of untamed wilderness extending from Sunnyville all the way to Philadelphia that even Princess Celestia chose to never bother with, for some strange reason.

"Yikes." Spike muttered.

"Just looking at it sends a chill up my spine." Twilight said, before she looked to her right and saw a homely little cottage built into a fairly large tree.

Oh, there was a fairly large dire badger tearing down a fence to several chicken coops at the side.

"Sweet Celestia it's a dire badger!" Twilight shouted, and immediately regretted it, as the beast turned its attention from terrified chickens to much meatier prey. "Oops."

The beast didn't make a threatening noise or posture, it just charged, it's very large claws primed to rip its new prey a new one. The speed at which it moved surprised Twilight, but not at all too much, as she quickly used a spell to lift the beast and use its own forward momentum to send it over her head and crashing into a tree.

"Double oops." She said.

"Good job, Twilight–whoa!" Spike had to hang on tight as Twilight ran as fast as she could for the cottage.

"Dire Badgers go berserk when they are injured, and become much, much harder to injure even with magic!" Twilight quickly explained to her assistant. When Spike looked back, he saw that the badger was now glowing red, foaming at the mouth, and charging after them in an incoherent rage.

"THEN WHY DID YOU INJURE IT!" Spike yelled.

"I didn't mean to throw it into a tree!"

Leaping over the footbridge that crossed over the creek in front of it, Twilight ran up to the door and slammed into it, before she began pounding on it.

"LET ME IN! LET ME IN! LET ME IN!" She yelled, and only heard the sound of loud music playing in response. Well, at least the music was being worked on.

She turned around, went wide-eyed and ducked underneath the claws of the dire badger, which slammed against the door with enough force to shake the cottage, but not bring down the door. This seemed to only hurt the badger further, and thus infuriate it further.

Twilight stared agape at this. "What is that door made of?"

The dire badger roared in her face, and returned her attention to more pressing concerns. It prepared to swing its claws down to messily eviscerate the horned girl, and Twilight prepared to raise a barrier to protect herself and Spike, when the door suddenly opened and everyone stopped.

The badger looked up, and found a pink-haired, winged folk wearing an oversized yellow sweater and blue jeans. She stared at the creature, and then looked over to the chicken coops, and the terrified chickens running about them in a panic. She then looked at the towering beast, and glared at it.

Twilight could only stare in disbelief as the dire badger, known for its unstoppable fury, became completely struck with fear, and stumbled back from the winged folk. Trembling, and with its claws retracted, the fierce beast turned and fled back towards the forest.

"STOP!"

At the shout of the winged girl, the dire badger did just that, and turned slowly to face her, trembling as it tried to avoid her gaze.

Lifting off her porch on her gently flapping wings, Fluttershy flew over to the badger and hovered before it. Trying hard as it could, there was still no escape from that stare. "You are going to go back and clean up the mess you made, and apologize to the chickens right now!"

The badger, whimpering, quickly nodded to Fluttershy and scrambled over to the chicken coop, where it began crudely putting together the fence it knocked over, while growling the equivalent of tearful apologies to the chickens it had been trying to kill and eat just moments before.

Well! If that was not the most baffling thing Twilight Sparkle had seen all day, and she'd already seen plenty.

"What."

As the badger whimpered and growled, Fluttershy's expression became one of surprise. "Oh? Oh my…"

She flew over to the badger, and then sat down. "Mr. Badger, could you please growl for me again?"

The dire badger looked at Fluttershy, confused, and complied with a deep, throaty growl. Hearing the growl, Fluttershy smiled. "Oh yes, that is exactly what I was looking for! Mr. Badger, would you please do me the honor of singing for me? I'm sorely in need of a singing bass, and you're perfect."

Pointing at itself, the dire badger growled back unintelligibly. When Fluttershy nodded, the beast looked contemplative, and then pointed at its mouth, indicating hunger. Fluttershy smiled warmly.

"Oh? Of course I'll get you something to eat, you can't sing on an empty stomach. Please, come right this way." With that, Fluttershy led the dire badger by the paw back to the house.

"I have plenty of food, you really should've just asked. Do you like steak?" At that, the badger grinned and nodded happily.

Twilight and Spike scooted out of the way, as Fluttershy and the dire badger went inside, the former carrying on. "Oh good, we'll get you started while I prepare some. You're going to be perfect for the celebration tomorrow."

The door closed behind them, leaving Twilight and Spike without Fluttershy having even noticed them. Twilight blinked once, rubbed her eyes, and then blinked again.

"What."

Shaking her head, Twilight checked her list. "Alright, music preparation is…forget it. It's fine. Let's go to the library."

Spike, as confused as Twilight was, just noted to himself that Fluttershy had breasts nearly as nice as Celestia's, and stopped worrying about what they just saw.

* * *

The sun was beginning to fall by the time Twilight and Spike made it back to Sunnyville and its library. Twilight was just happy the day was over. "Well, today was…interesting…and distracting…but we've finally made it to the library and I can actually sit down and do some work. Nightmare Moon is going to appear, and we're running out of time to warn everyone."

She opened the door and entered the dark library, setting her duffel bag aside. Spike was right at her side. "It shouldn't even take me that long, and with the festival coming, no one's going to even come near the library."

The lights then came on, revealing the whole house packed with every citizen of Sunnyville. All of whom greeted her with a loud, cheerful…

"SURPRISE!"

None was louder than the Earth Folk who stood at the front of the crowd welcoming Twilight and Spike, the same pink-themed, industrial disaster haired, army boot wearing Earth Folk whose bizarre behavior pretty much set the tone of this bizarre day.

Twilight looked around the crowd, her left eye twitching, as Spike looked up and could not resist the jab. "I wish I had something funnier to say about the irony, but oh well."

"…F….FFF…" Twilight bit her lower lip as the loud music cut on and everyone began talking and mingling, while saying their greetings to her.

Tilting her head back, she bit her lower lip harder as her cheeks became red with frustration.

"…FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF…!"

"…Fudge brownie? They're really good, I baked them fresh myself!"

Twilight stopped, and looked at the plate of chocolate desserts the bubbly pinkhead had offered her. The agitation left Twilight almost immediately, as the gesture reminded her that these folk, doomed as they were, were only trying to be nice. Sighing, Twilight took a brownie and had a bite.

As she bit into the brownie (and it was good), the slightly chubby Earth Folk began talking. "It's good huh? My name's Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you! Were you surprised? Were you? Were you? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

"Yes, I was surprised. Libraries are supposed to be quiet." Twilight replied.

"Well that's silly, what kind of welcome party would this be if it were quiet? I mean, duh, BORING." Pinkie Pie replied.

Twilight silently bemoaned her fate of being doomed to eternal night by Nightmare Moon, until she looked over and saw a table stocked with nothing but alcohol. "Well, may as well."

Pinkie Pie was still talking as she walked straight for the liquor table. "You see, I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all, hello, and I was all, 'A stranger, in Sunnyville', remember?"

"Uh huh." Twilight replied as she grabbed a red plastic cup and filled it partway with cranberry juice, and then began pouring in a liberal amount of vodka.

Breathlessly, Pinkie Pie kept going. "You see I never saw you before, and if I never saw you before that means you're new, 'cause I know everybody, and I mean everybody in Sunnyville, and if you're new, then it meant you haven't met anyone yet, and if you haven't met anyone yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don't have any friends then you must be lonely!"

Twilight had completely emptied the cup in several gulps, and spied an unlabeled bottle full of a red liquid. Assuming it was tomato juice; she uncapped it and poured it in the cup, then added more vodka. Using her magic, she rounded up the spices that had also been laid out, and dumped them into the cup.

"And that made me so sad, and I had an idea, and that's why I gasped, I'll just throw a great big ginormous super-duper spectacular welcome party and invite everyone in Sunnyville!" Pinkie Pie went on, before Twilight finished mixing the cocktail, and promptly knocked it back.

"See? Now you will have lots, and lots of friends!" Pinkie Pie declared, as Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy joined the group at the table.

Twilight had stopped drinking, the cup still to her lips, and was staring down into it.

Rainbow Dash, who had observed her drinking downing her last cup of alcohol, chuckled. "Wow, pace yourself. The night just started."

Tears appeared in Twilight's eyes. Dear Celestia in Camelot, what had she just drunk?

"Uh, are you alright sugar cube?" Applejack asked before Twilight dropped the cup and ran for the stairs trying to scream, but unable to because of the searing heat that was incinerating her throat.

Pinkie Pie cooed. "Aw, she's so happy she's crying!"

Rainbow Dash picked up the bottle of "Tomato Juice" and sniffing it, she looked to Pinkie Pie. "She just drank half a bottle of hot sauce."

Pinkie Pie took the bottle from Rainbow Dash and smiled. "It is the preeminent party prank!"

Rainbow Dash nodded. "Ah, indeed."

"Y'all are just terrible." Applejack flatly stated.

* * *

Hours later, Twilight lay awake in her bed, and stared at the clock. It was just past four in the morning and the party was still going full force. Did any of these folk know how to sleep? This was insane!

Then again, this was the Summer Sun Celebration's Eve, and everyone needed to be up for the raising of the sun. Well, if it ever came.

She looked out the window, and sighed as she watched the Moon hang quietly in the sky, and for the first time in her twenty-one years, she was afraid of it.

"Upon Equestria, the hateful Moon shone…" She whispered before the door opened, causing her to jump with fright.

Sitting up in bed, she looked down and saw it was Fluttershy. "Oh, uh…"

"Ah? I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to startle you." Fluttershy said in a quiet voice Twilight could barely hear over the party. "But your adorable baby dragon wanted me to tell you that it's almost time for the Princess to raise the sun, and you should wake up or you're going to miss it."

Twilight sighed and got up. "You didn't startle me, and I didn't sleep much. I can barely think with all this noise."

She climbed down. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, you're Fluttershy right?"

Fluttershy nodded. "Oh yes, Spike told me all about you. I'm sorry I didn't stop to say anything before, but Mr. Badger had such a wonderful voice, I guess I was just mesmerized."

This was the girl who stared a dire badger into submission? Twilight was shocked that she was so quiet. "It's alright, there are no hard feelings."

"Oh, then I'm glad. I really wanted to get to know you better, and I was afraid that gave all gave you a bad impression. I also wanted to apologize; you looked upset earlier about the party. Pinkie Pie means well, and she's a very nice girl. So please don't hold it against her." Fluttershy continued.

"No need to worry about that, I understand you all just wanted to throw a welcome party." Twilight sighed again and put on a smile. "This town is full of eccentric folk, but they're not bad at all, no."

The two headed out into the emptying library, and Twilight looked to Fluttershy. "So…how did you tame that dire badger, anyway?"

"Oh? Well…eep!" At that moment, Rainbow Dash swooped down over them, licking the top of Twilight's horn as she buzzed over them.

"Ah! Hey!" Twilight, her face in full blush, shook her fist at Rainbow Dash. "You shameless deviant!"

Fluttershy just smiled a little. "Rainbow Dash does that to every Horned Folk she likes."

Twilight smiled back to Fluttershy, her blush cooling. "I figured that."

There was a huff from Rarity, as she joined them outside. She turned her nose up when Rainbow Dash circled around them. "That Rainbow Dash, so unrefined, so wild. She'll sneak up on you to get her little jollies."

Twilight looked to Fluttershy and pointed to Rarity's horn, Fluttershy nodded, and Twilight giggled. Rainbow Dash, coming in low, did a one-finger stand off the end of Rarity's horn.

"Oh don't be such a prude, Rare. You know you liked it~!" She laughed and zipped off when Rarity shooed her away.

"Quit yer buzzing around like a danged fool, Dash." Applejack, Spike, and Pinkie Pie joined the group.

"This is going to be so great!" Pinkie Pie declared. "Enjoying the longest day–and party–of the year with friends old and new, is there anything better?"

"Sure ain't!" Applejack replied.

As the girls laughed and bantered, Spike looked over to Twilight. "Well, at least you did what Princess Celestia said, right?"

Twilight looked amongst the five girls she met today and shrugged her shoulders. Spike did have a point, odd as they were, all these girls were pretty cool, and she'd probably consider them friends. Who knew? Maybe that was Celestia's answer to the Nightmare Moon problem.

Twilight stopped, her eyes widening.

"…Nah, that's ridiculous." She mumbled to herself as she looked up at the Moon. "It's just an Old Wives' Tale and nothing else. That's why the Princess told me not to worry."

"Dear, is everything okay?" Rarity asked as she and the others looked back to Twilight.

Twilight looked to the others, and smiled. "No, I just got lost in thought. Come on, let's go!"

"I never get lost in thought, I always leave breadcrumbs so I can find my way back out!" Pinkie Pie revealed.

Rainbow Dash boasted as she buzzed over the group again. "I have no time to get lost in thought, myself."

Rarity didn't hesitate to strike. "Darling, you don't have any thoughts to get lost in."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash half-laughed half-shouted.

"Oh, don't get so defensive. You know you liked it~!" Rarity teased as they finally reached the town hall and entered.

None noticed four gleaming stars in the sky slowly drawing towards the Moon, and vanishing behind it.

* * *

All of Sunnyville was gathered in the Town Hall, Earth Folks and Horned Folks milled about on the floor, while Winged Folk kept themselves aloft with their steadily flapping wings. At the front of the crowd, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Spike were waiting for the festivities to begin. Rarity had gone to prepare for Princess Celestia's entrance, while Fluttershy was leading her choir of various animals–including that dire badger–and Applejack went to check on the spread for the feast.

Pinky Pie was, well… "Isn't this exciting? Are you excited, 'cause I'm excited, I've never been so excited, well, except for that time that I saw you walking into town but I mean really, who can top that?"

Twilight was a little flattered. Rainbow Dash agreed. "I have to admit, Pinkie, it was love at first sight!"

Twilight blushed. "Hey!"

Spike was all smiles; Twilight wasn't worrying about Nightmare Moon or anything serious like that. She was making friends and enjoying herself by means other than reading a book or that loud buzzing thing she seemed to really like using before going to sleep–whatever that was.

The crowd quieted down, when Fluttershy's animal choir sang the opening fanfare for the Mayor of Sunnyville.

"Ladies and Gentlefolk! As mayor of Sunnyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!" The Mayor of Sunnyville, a graying Earth Folk, addressed to the cheering crowd.

The Mayor gestured to the Eastern sky. "In just a few moments our town will witness the magic of the sunrise, and celebrate this, the longest day of the year. And now, it is my great honor to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very Goddess who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day, the good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all of Equestria…Princess Celestia!"

Backstage, as the fanfare played and spotlights shined down, Rarity pulled the curtains and opened them to reveal…nothing. The music stopped, the folk gasped, and confusion settled upon the Town Hall.

The fear that Twilight felt when she looked at the Moon earlier suddenly returned with greater intensity than before. "This isn't right."

"Everyone calm down, there has to be a logical explanation for this." The Mayor called.

Pinkie Pie hummed. "Perhaps she's hiding? Like hide and seek?"

It was Rarity who made the chilling discovery after checking backstage. "She's gone!"

Pinkie Pie hummed. "A skilled master of the art, I see."

Rarity screamed, and scrambled away from the stage as a cloud the color of the starry night swirled into existence in the middle of the lit stage. The Mayor too quickly got clear as the cloud began to spill over the edges of the stage like smoke hugging the floor.

As the audience backed away from the expanding miasma, Twilight Sparkle trembled in fear as pure black wings spread from the center of the cloud, and the pale-skinned woman in midnight blue armor connected to them stood. The starry cloud spread from under her helmet…like the glorious Technicolor hair of Princess Celestia.

"Nightmare Moon." Twilight squeaked, as Spike fainted from disbelief.

"Ah…after one thousand years, I'm free." Nightmare Moon purred as she looked across the crowd. She smiled sardonically upon them. "It's been so long since I've seen your precious little sun-kissed faces."

Rainbow Dash pointed at Nightmare Moon. "Alright lady, I don't know who you are, but you're going to tell us what happened to our Princess!"

Before she could try to attack, Applejack quickly blocked her. "Hold your horses! That ain't just some run of the mill varmint!"

"Where is your Princess? She's right here, or has my imprisonment invalidated my rule? Am I no longer worthy to be considered Princess of Equestria?" She asked as she walked off the stage, and walked across the air towards Twilight and Pinkie Pie.

"Has my sister besmirched my name so that I'm a forgotten taboo?" She stopped and stared directly down at Twilight.

Her legs shaking, Twilight stared back at Nightmare Moon. "The bringer of Equestria's eternal night, the prophecy was true."

"At least one of you is wise enough to recognize my grandeur. Oh big sister…you did well to erase me from the memory of the folk."

She raised her hand up and closed it into a fist. "I will make you suffer for it."

Twilight's eyes widened, as the long black horn sticking from Nightmare Moon's forehead began to glow. "Wait…"

She looked around at all the folk in the room. "…You…you wouldn't!"

"Cherish this light, my ignorant little subjects." Nightmare Moon declared as her horn shone brighter. "For it is the last you will ever see!"

Twilight's own horn began to glow, as she rushed straight for Nightmare Moon. "NO!"

A massive column of light, visible in distant Camelot, rose from Sunnyville, followed by a tremendous, explosive roar that it created.

* * *

A/N: I present the weakest chapter of this story. If you made it down here, then I hope you enjoy the next chapter. That's where things get...interesting.


	2. Tonight the Stars Revolt! Part 2

Disclaimer: Princess Celestia. Not Trollestia, not Mollestia. Princess CELESTIA.

**My Average-Sized Human**

Tonight the Stars Revolt! Part 2

_Totally Eclipsed_

**[2.]**

The beam of light that rose from Sunnyville reached up past the clouds, into space itself. It could be seen from nearby Cloudsdale, the city of Winged Folk, all the way to distant Camelot. For ten seconds the light shone brightly, before it narrowed and dimmed, then vanished completely. In both towns, the stunned observers pointed in disbelief at the light's effect, the moon above sported a new, dark crater right in its center.

It was the Moon, and its new feature, that Twilight first saw when her vision was restored. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up and looked around. The Town Hall was still intact, well except for its now missing roof, and everyone appeared to be alright, though all the Winged Folk had been forced to the floor by the light. But what happened? Why were they all still alive?

She looked back towards Nightmare Moon, and saw why. "Princess Celestia!"

Standing horn to horn to her tainted, dark sister, Princess Celestia panted from the exertion of deflecting the powerful attack Nightmare Moon had unleashed, while protecting Sunnyville and its citizens at the same time from indirect harm.

Surprised at first, Nightmare Moon sneered to her sister. "You would show up late to my welcome home party? You truly are low, sister."

There was immeasurable fury brewing within Equestria's Goddess of the Sun for what Nightmare Moon had just attempted, but it was the unyielding love for her sister that held it perfectly in check. She looked sad as she spoke. "Hello Luna."

"That's not my name anymore." Nightmare Moon replied, as she turned away from Celestia and circled around her before floating over to the stage.

She set her foot down, and then moved at speeds Rainbow Dash could only envy to thrust a perfectly straight, black-bladed long sword with a chain hanging off the end of its hilt, straight for Celestia's heart. The blade fell just short of Celestia as she swiftly backed away from it.

Vanishing again, Nightmare Moon appeared behind her sister and swung for her wings to slice them off, but Celestia evaded again, this time flying aloft to where the town hall's roof used to be.

"So fast…" Rainbow Dash said in awe.

"Don't stare like a fool; we gotta get out of here!" Applejack chastised as she and Big Macintosh quickly began directing folk towards the emergency exits.

"What about Twilight?" Pinkie Pie called out as Nightmare Moon hung menacingly near her, after missing Celestia.

Luckily, Nightmare Moon wasn't even interested in the trembling purple-haired Horned-Folk trying to maintain bladder control below her. With a flap of her wings, she raced up to Celestia, and stopped directly in front of her.

"Look at you, soft as you were a thousand years ago…no, even softer." She mocked as she raised her blade and poked Celestia's breast with the top of the tip. When she suddenly thrust the blade to stab her, however, Celestia was suddenly at her side, looking forlorn.

"I never wanted to fight you, not then, not now." Celestia admitted.

Nightmare Moon let out a throaty laugh. "No…why fight, when you can just make all your problems go away?"

Celestia and Nightmare Moon separated from one another, and began to circle around as Twilight and the others below who weren't evacuating watched the confrontation.

"For one thousand years, you left me, alone, imprisoned in the very darkness your Equestria despised." Nightmare Moon's tone changed from amused to cold as she spoke.

She looked away from Celestia. "You denied me a chance to let them appreciate my night. And the moment I refused to bend to you, you tossed me away and erased me–rendered me a legend that none of these pathetic little insects can even care to remember was supposed to return today and ruin their fun in the sun."

Nightmare Moon pointed her sword at Celestia, as they circled closer towards one another. "One thousand years, how many lifetimes is that to these folks, dear sister? Did they stop believing I existed at all on their own? Did you just get lazy and occupied yourself with more important things? Or did you believe that I would stay locked in my own eternal little night forever, watching our Equestria bask in your day and YOUR NIGHT?"

She screamed as she rushed Celestia, and swung her sword, but with Godly control, stopped the blade on contact with her neck, the edge resting on it without cutting the skin. "Why aren't you defending yourself?"

Her voice was whisper soft, but unstable when she asked Celestia, who closed her eyes and continued to try the route of peace.

"You are my sister, Luna, that's why and that's all. I do not want to fight you."

"That's not my name." Nightmare Moon grinned, the corner of her mouth twitching. "And you're lying. The reason you won't fight me, is because you know you can't win. You couldn't beat me before, not without using the Elements, and now they're useless to you, aren't they?"

She lightly patted Celestia's cheek with the flat of the blade. "Your silence is a resounding yes."

Leaning close, Nightmare Moon whispered as their horns crossed. "But I know…that you know…they can be used again. Not by you, but by a certain person, with the power to harness them."

Celestia's eyes went wide. Nightmare Moon backed away and looked down, directly at Twilight Sparkle. She looked back up at her older sister and her unnerving smile grew.

"She's your only little hope to save your Equestria from my glorious night, isn't she?" Rather than wait for Celestia to answer, Nightmare Moon dropped down, again like an untraceable blur, with intent to slice Twilight to ribbons before the helpless horned girl would realize she was in danger.

A loud clash of metal sounded, and Twilight fell back, pushed by Celestia's magic as Nightmare's black blade was blocked by a flaming broadsword forged of a material that looked like gold but was clearly far stronger. The light from the blade burned at Nightmare Moon, but not enough to push her from its wielder.

"I see you've changed your mind." Nightmare Moon said.

Celestia swung the blade with both hands, and launched Nightmare Moon from the town hall through its newly installed skylight.

Twilight stood up, in awe. Never had she seen Celestia's sword drawn. "Princess…?"

Celestia looked back to Twilight. "The Castle of the Two Sisters in the Everfree Forest, go there and retrieve the Elements of Harmony. They are the only thing that can stop her."

With that, there were questions Twilight wanted to ask Celestia, important ones, but they would have to wait. Twilight nodded without hesitation and picked up the still unconscious Spike. "Yes, Princess!"

She turned and ran for the exit of the town hall. Overhead, Nightmare Moon's horn began to glow. "You're going nowhere–!"

She was suddenly on the defensive, blocking a strike from Celestia's massive sword that pitched her through the air in the direction of Camelot. Celestia would not be able to defeat her sister, but she would most certainly buy Twilight some time to get to the ancient castle and retrieve the elements.

"I only hope you made some friends, Twilight." She spoke to herself, before a screaming Nightmare Moon reengaged her. Tightening her grip on the blade with both hands, she swung her sword in to Nightmare Moon's, creating a large explosion of darkness and light in the sky above Sunnyville.

* * *

After dropping Spike off at the Library, Twilight was running as fast as she could for the Everfree Forest. The questions she had were already being answered in her head. Celestia knew Nightmare Moon was coming, so she sent her here to this seemingly unimportant little town right next to the very place they were last known to be in order to be able to retrieve them! How could she have been so wrong in doubting her mentor?

She just had to get a hold of the Elements, and make it back in time for Celestia to be able to use them to defeat Nightmare Moon. Sadly, by the time she actually reached the edge of the forest, Twilight was already on the verge of passing out from overexertion.

"…Why…did…I…skip…gym…?" She gasped as she doubled over and rested her hands on her knees.

She looked from her feet to the long path that went down into the dark woods, and then back towards the battle between Goddesses that was heading towards Camelot. This was what it was like to be between a rock and a hard place? She'd never be able to make it on her own into the forest.

Catching her breath, Twilight steeled her resolve and began walking again. She only made it a few steps when a voice called out. "Now hold on there a minute, Twilight. You're not planning on going in there alone, are you?"

It was Applejack. Turning around, Twilight found Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy were with her too. And they all looked ready for a hike into the woods; Rarity even had a saber on her hip. "Huh? Why are you all here? You should be getting to safety!"

"What about you? Like hay we're going to let you walk off into that forest alone, especially at night." Rainbow Dash replied.

Twilight wouldn't have it. "I appreciate the concern, but I'd rather do this on my own."

Applejack crossed her arms. "Alright, and what do you plan on doing if you get in trouble? Do you know how to fight?"

Twilight pointed at her horn. "I don't need to, I have my magic."

Rarity then spoke up. "Well, what if you get into a situation where you need help, and there's no one there to help you?"

Twilight frowned, she had a point there.

Taking her silence as acquiescence, Applejack marched past her. "It's settled then, sugar cube. We sure ain't lettin' any friend of ours go into that creepy place alone. We're stickin' to you like caramel on a candy apple."

The other girls followed, with Pinkie Pie bringing up the rear with Twilight. "Especially if there are candy apples in there!"

Twilight stared at Pinkie Pie, who only shrugged her shoulders. "What? They're good!"

These were the people helping her save the world?

Deep into the forest they went, following a path that became increasingly narrow and winding, lit only by the stars and the scarred moon above. It looked intimidating enough during the day, how could she have thought she could go into this forest by herself, Twilight wondered.

"So…have any of you been in the forest before? Fluttershy?" She asked.

"Oh no, the forest is far too scary, I could never go in alone." Fluttershy replied.

Applejack shook her head. "None of us have been in here, and I don't blame any folk for avoidin' it. These woods ain't natural, the weather changes, the animals take care of themselves, and the trees grow all on their own."

"It's pure chaos." Rarity said with a shiver of revulsion.

The group kept walking, and entered a thick mist. Applejack gestured around. "See what I mean? It ain't natural!"

Still at the back of the group, Pinkie Pie stopped when she heard movement behind her. Looking back, she saw only mist and trees, and shrugged her shoulders before jogging to catch up with her friends. As she left, three shadowy figures looked to each other with smiles before vanishing into the trees.

"I see something up ahead, it looks like a ravine." Rainbow Dash called back as she reconnoitered the path ahead of the group. Sure enough, there was a broad and deep chasm crossable only by an ancient-looking draw bridge.

"What in tarnation is this?" Applejack asked, before she noticed that the path was hard and rocky leading up to the bridge, like it had once been paved.

Twilight examined the bridge. "We're getting close to the castle. According to what I've learned about the forest from Princess Celestia, there used to be a city here. But it was abandoned after Celestia banished Nightmare Moon, and the forest was allowed to devour it. She founded Camelot afterwards."

Fluttershy hummed. "Really? I always thought Camelot was the first city of Celestia."

"And none of us ever heard of Nightmare Moon until she came and blew the roof off the house, literally." Rainbow Dash chimed.

"Well, one of us did." Applejack looked to Twilight at that.

Twilight grimaced slightly, and looked at the bridge. "It's old, but it still might work. Rainbow Dash, can you get over there to the other side and lower it for us?"

Rainbow Dash smirked. "Time me."

She suddenly vanished, crossing the wide chasm in an instant and descending towards the bridge's control house. The moment she set her feet down, however, her keen eyes caught sight of a fast moving figure approaching her and ready to strike.

The first punch carried a lot of momentum behind it, but Rainbow Dash quickly deflected the blow with a raised arm before she spun and kicked her attacker in the side. Struck by the powerful kick, the black and purple-suited male winged folk tumbled along the ground, before a second suddenly struck from the mist.

Rainbow Dash was much faster than her new attacker, leaping over him and grabbing his shoulders before throwing him hard into a tree with enough force to shake leaves from it. Her first attacker was up again, closing in rapidly and attacking with quick, knife like strikes that could barely be seen.

"Please…I spar with Applejack, you're way too slow!" Rainbow Dash went in low and struck him in the solar plexus with a disabling punch.

As he fell to the ground, coughing, Rainbow Dash got up and looked around. "You guys are going to have to do better than that if you want to beat this flyer."

"Forgive us, we were only testing you." A third male's voice, effeminate, called out.

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes as a third winged folk came drifting down, dressed the same as the other two jokers in a skin-tight flying suit oddly reminiscent of the Wonderbolts' costumes. She had to admit, the costume was rather cool–though it'd look better on her.

Across the ravine, Twilight peered into the mist, and saw what was happening. "Oh no…"

The other looked to Twilight. Applejack spoke. "What is it?"

Rainbow Dash remained on her guard as the winged young man walked up to her. "You're fast, strong, and skilled. We're suitably impressed."

"Who are you guys?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"We are the Shadowbolts, the finest fliers in the world. Well…until we saw you." The young man said.

Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow. "So you're like, what, evil Wonderbolts?"

Okay, this had to be a trap or something. That sounded kind of lame.

"Consider us more of a dark reflection." The young man clarified. "While the Wonderbolts wow and dazzle the crowd during the day, we perform a far more vital mission for the safety of Equestria."

Oh? Now they had her attention. "So wait, you're Special Ops?"

"You catch on very quickly. We Shadowbolts perform duties that require the fastest, bravest, and most skilled fliers in the world. Not even the best of the Wonderbolts could hope to fly with us, but you, Rainbow Dash…"

If their words were food, they would be delicious cake that Rainbow Dash could not stop eating. "Yeah, but me?"

The Shadowbolt leader smiled. "You have the making of a Captain of our squad, and we need you right now to defend Equestria."

Rainbow Dash folded her arms, and feigned humbleness. "Well, if you need me so badly. Sure, sign me up. I just have to lower this bridge…"

The Shadowbolt leader took her by the arm. "There's no time. We have to get you suited up and over to Camelot now, there's a battle to fight."

"Rainbow Dash, don't listen to them!" Twilight's voice called from across the ravine. When Rainbow Dash looked back towards her, however, the mist grew thicker; muffling anything else Twilight could say.

Turning back to the Shadowbolt, she found that the other two Shadowbolts had gotten back up, one holding a flying suit that was just her size. Their leader spoke. "So forget those girls and let's go."

Rainbow Dash stared at the Shadowbolts, and then glanced back towards the bridge. She then huffed through her nose. "Let's go for a spin."

She promptly introduced the Shadowbolts to her patented Rain-Blow Dry, spinning the leader into his subordinates and catching all three in a tornado that she sent blowing off into the trees, before jumping out and flying over to the bridge house. With a kick to the emergency release lever, she sent the bridge swinging down into place, and flew to the mists to the others, who greeted her with cheers.

"What was all that about?" Rarity asked.

Rainbow Dash shrugged her shoulders. "Some phony Wonderbolt wannabes tried to get me to ditch you. But I was like 'no way!' I'd never leave you guys hanging."

Twilight smiled, and then looked across the bridge. "Well then, let's keep going."

And so the group marched forward, deeper into the forest.

* * *

Fire trailing behind her, Celestia raced through the night sky straight for Camelot, now wreathed in dense, dark clouds. Scanning the sky around her, she sought out Nightmare Moon, who she lost contact with after several blows back near Sunnyville.

Celestia stopped and looked around. "Luna, where are you?"

She then looked up to see Nightmare Moon's silhouette framed neatly against her Moon and growing larger. "I told you not to call me that!"

Swinging her sword, Celestia blocked Nightmare Moon's strike and both sisters sped up, exchanging blows at high speed as they passed one another, leaving explosions of normal and black fire behind whenever their blades struck.

Her horn glowing, Nightmare Moon stopped and pointed her sword at Celestia. In the air around the corrupted princess, numerous spears in the shape of her horn appeared. "Come now, sister. Surely you're not going to just swing that inelegant sword at me with your burly arms all night, are you?"

The spears shot for and converged upon Celestia, creating a large explosion. Celestia, however, appeared above Nightmare Moon, and unleashed a blast of magic that sent her crashing into the ground far below.

"I'm sorry, Luna." Celestia said as her horn began to glow. The same invisible force flattened the ground in a rectangle shape around her sister, crushing trees and rocks flat. Yet another burst of power created a pit a mile deep with Nightmare Moon at the very bottom.

Holding her sword in her mouth, Celestia then held out her hands and clapped them together, closing the walls of the crater together, with a tremendous roar.

Nightmare Moon's voice then bellowed from the ground.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

A giant hand composed of dirt and rock shot into the sky for Celestia, grabbing her as a stone giant in the shape of Nightmare Moon in the nude rose out of the ground with it. Closing the hand around Celestia into a fist the giant narrowed its eyes and its horn began to glow, applying immense pressure to the fist.

It exploded, however, revealing Celestia unharmed and raising her flaming sword, which grew and expanded into a blade many times her size. With a single swing of the blade, she cut the titanic giant in half, before extending the flame into a tremendously long blade of fire that she swept across the land, incinerating both halves of the giant.

The sword returned to its normal size, and Celestia swung it again to block another slash from Nightmare Moon, but it was the younger sister who had the upper hand, launching Celestia into the ground below at the base of Camelot.

The smoke cleared from the impact, revealing Celestia kneeling, and leaning against her sword. Nightmare Moon chuckled, before she looked at the cloud-wreathed city on the hill, and the castle perched near its top.

"Ah, how I've longed for this day." She declared. "Should I destroy everything you worked so hard to build or just leave it all to rot away, forgotten, like all of your other sins?"

Celestia looked off to the side. "Stop twisting things, Luna…"

Nightmare Moon tensed. "You keep calling me that like you actually care about me. Why are you such a LIAR?"

The moment Nightmare Moon raised her sword to attack, however, continuous streams of fire, ice, lightning, wind, and water surged from the clouds, smashed into her, and plowed her into the ground.

The clouds began clearing, revealing numerous winged Dreadnought-style airships with all of their guns trained on Nightmare Moon. On the hills surrounding Camelot, numerous tanks and artillery pieces also took aim. With these weapons were numerous Equestrian Military Soldiers, all scared witless at the prospect of fighting a Goddess, but nevertheless willing to do so.

"I'm sorry I was late for your arrival, Luna." Celestia got up, her horn glowing brightly.

Nightmare Moon looked at all of the magically imbued weapons aimed at her. When she tried to move, she realized Celestia was holding her in place, and glared hatefully at her sister as she finished speaking.

"But I had to prepare a proper welcome."

The many guns of the Equestrian Military opened fire, every round, missile, and element converging upon Nightmare Moon.

* * *

"Who do you reckon those guys really were, Twilight?" Applejack asked as they entered what appeared to be an old, commercial district, overgrown with trees. Rainbow Dash had again gone scouting ahead to keep an eye out for trouble.

"I don't know, but they were definitely up to no good." Twilight said.

"Ooh! Maybe they're Nightmare Moon's evil team of evil dark ninja!" Pinkie Pie declared as she performed several odd poses.

"What's a ninja?" Fluttershy asked.

Pinkie Pie shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know; I just made it up! Sounds cool though, huh?"

She began to jump around and pose. "Ninja! Ninja! Ninja…! NINJA!"

Rarity let out a sigh and rolled her eyes. "She's going to be like this all day…night…oh you know what I mean."

Twilight nodded in understanding, but personally did not find it bothersome at all. That Pinkie Pie could remain so cheerful during such a tense time actually relaxed her.

As they passed an old jewelry store, Rarity stopped and peered through the cracked glass windows still protecting the collection that was inside. "Oh my…"

Twilight and the others were continuing ahead, when the sound of glass shattering made them all jump. Looking back, they found Rarity trying on the highly expensive and ancient jewelry.

"Rarity, what are you doing?" Applejack asked.

Fluttershy looked around, nervously. "You can't do that…that's looting!"

"Darlings, it's not looting them, I'm _rescuing_ them." Rarity replied as she gathered up a few more rings and necklaces.

Applejack let out a groan. "Makin' all that racket's gonna attract attention! Who knows what kinds of critters are lurkin' around here!"

Even as she said that, a shadowy figure snuck up on Twilight, and grabbed her from behind, causing her to scream in terror. This prompted the rest of the group to jump back get ready for anything. The shadowy figure, however, turned out to be just Rainbow Dash, who began laughing.

"Oh, good one!" Pinkie Pie congratulated.

"Why thank you!" Rainbow Dash giggled.

Twilight whirled around on Rainbow Dash. "Come on! We're on a mission; this isn't the time for pranks!"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it." Rainbow Dash laughed again. "You all had your guard down and so I thought I'd keep you on your toes. Besides, you should've seen the looks on your faces, you were all…"

She stopped and stared, like she had seen something completely terrifying.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know, ha-ha, now can we get going?"

Rainbow Dash was still staring. "Uh…Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow Dash was now trembling as she raised a hand to point behind her. Twilight stopped, and slowly turned around…

…And saw nothing.

Rainbow Dash then tickled Twilight's sides, making her jump. "Eek!"

"Two for two!" Rainbow Dash called out.

"Bravo!" Pinkie Pie cheered, as the other girls tried to resist laughing.

Twilight shook her head. "Oh I bet you think you're a barrel of laughs–."

One of the buildings at the end of the street exploded, and a roaring, furious Manticore charged out of it straight for them.

From the moment Twilight saw the Manticore she remembered three things about them: Manticores were carnivores, Manticores were extremely durable and strong, and Manticores were immune to magic.

It took less than a second for Twilight to come up with a battle plan.

"RUN!"

And run screaming they did, straight down the street and away from the snarling animal running for them. Well, everyone else ran, Fluttershy just stood there to meet the beast's charge. Looking back, Rarity gasped.

"Applejack! Rainbow Dash!" Rarity called out as she turned right back around and ran straight for the Manticore, grasping the hilt of her saber as she did.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash also double-backed, leaving Twilight and Pinkie Pie at the rear as the three charged back to save Fluttershy.

Rarity began to draw her saber, Applejack prepared to perform a flying kick, and Rainbow Dash sped up to tackle the Manticore, when Fluttershy suddenly opened her wings and spread her arms, stopping them.

The Manticore stopped too, and stared at Fluttershy, who walked over and rested her hand on the beast's face. "There, there…that's quite alright. No one here is going to hurt you."

Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash stared. "What."

Twilight immediately recalled the Dire Badger incident, and began to relax. Though, this was different, Fluttershy didn't seem to be using what she had on the badger here.

Kneeling down, Fluttershy lifted up the Manticore's paw, revealing what appeared to be a knife jammed into it. "Oh my, who did this to you?"

She placed her hand on the hilt of the blade, and the Manticore growled. Fluttershy looked up at him. "This will only hurt for a second, and then it will be better."

Carefully, Fluttershy pulled out the knife and then reached into her bag to begin cleaning and dressing the wound. The other girls gathered around, with Rainbow Dash and Applejack still ready to jump in at any moment to help her. It was unnecessary, however, as soon the wound was bandaged up and a very grateful manticore was now licking Fluttershy's face.

Fluttershy giggled as the manticore licked her. "You're just a baby kitty aren't you? You didn't want to hurt anyone; you were just hurt and scared."

"I. What." Applejack looked to Rainbow Dash, who was just as dumbstruck.

"Man, Fluttershy, I knew you were good with animals but…wow." Rainbow Dash said.

Hugging the Manticore and giving it some treats she'd also packed, Fluttershy waved as it walked back off into the shadows of the buildings. Twilight walked over to Fluttershy's side, and then watched it go. "How'd you do that? I mean, how did you know it was hurt and not trying to eat us?"

"If the manticore was hungry, we wouldn't have heard it coming." The simple way Fluttershy explained it unnerved Twilight more than anything Rainbow Dash could ever do.

Fluttershy knelt down and picked up the knife she pulled from its paw. "An injured animal only wants help, if you show it some kindness, it won't ever harm you."

Looking at the knife, Fluttershy realized it was a black blade, similar to Nightmare Moon's sword. She tightened her grip on the weapon, and for a brief moment became furious. Twilight caught this, and was even more unnerved.

"We should keep going." Fluttershy said as she placed the knife in her bag.

And on, they went.

* * *

Staring at the cloud of smoke that rose from where Nightmare Moon had stood, Celestia tensed and felt her hold on her sister weaken before it failed altogether. She could see her, her blue eyes shining malevolently through the smoke as it began to clear around her.

Up on the hills, a female Earth Folk Major General observed the result of the barrage through binoculars and frowned. Of course the barrage would be ineffective, all they could do was hope to hold Nightmare Moon here. She turned to her subordinates and issued an order.

"Continue exactly as planned! Send the Fast Tanks and the Land Cruisers down and flank Nightmare Moon!" She ordered.

Engines roaring loudly, numerous small yet heavily armed medium tanks spilled down the hill, followed by much, much larger tanks sporting twin cannons in their turrets. Using the hill to gain momentum, the tanks sped up and charged straight for Nightmare Moon when they reached the base, passing Celestia on both sides and opening fire with their main guns on Nightmare Moon.

Nightmare Moon watched the shells hurl towards her, and swung her sword, sending a midnight blue wave out that intercepted the shells in mid-flight. "What are those peculiar metal boxes?"

Celestia charged her next, clashing blades with Nightmare Moon and forcing her back. As they broke off, two of the Fast Tanks opened fire, and Celestia's magic guided the shells directly into Nightmare Moon, sending her tumbling along the ground.

With a flap of her wings, Nightmare Moon launched herself into the air, and dodged streams of elemental magic, before Celestia attacked her again, forcing her to defend. Blades locked, Celestia and Nightmare Moon glared at each other before Celestia spun Nightmare Moon around, pointing her back to the pursuing tanks and their shells, which all converged on them.

The repeated impacts forced both Princesses into the ground, before Celestia launched Nightmare Moon over the tops of the Fast Tanks and into the sights of the larger guns of the Land Cruisers. Their guns were like thunder, and the explosive shells they lobbed were even louder than that when they struck where Nightmare Moon had landed.

The explosions hadn't even cleared, when Celestia attacked again, and again, hammering her sister with frequent blows.

Celestia pinned Nightmare Moon down against a rock, and braced herself as more shells rained down on both. The numerous impacts and explosions shattered the boulder and kicked up another cloud of smoke.

The Fast Tanks began to circle the point of impact, keeping a wide berth in case more artillery came raining down. Inside, the crews could see the flashes of Celestia and Nightmare Moon's blades striking over and over against one another, before both shot from the smoke in different directions.

As she skimmed the ground, Nightmare Moon looked left and right, to see a pair of Fast Tanks racing to keep up with her. The one at her right suddenly dropped back as the one at her left shot her in the back.

Nightmare Moon, of course, was unhurt. "Cowards! Fools! I'm going to take away your metal boxes!"

She raised her sword and swung the blade, a black wave of energy coming off it and enveloping the tank, when it passed, much of the tank was destroyed, but its bewildered two man crew was unharmed as they tried to figure out why.

Turning from the wreckage, Nightmare Moon suddenly moved at incredible speed, passing the other tank and flying off to seek out Celestia. The tank rolled to a stop, and fell in half, its two man crew also unhurt by the perfect strike.

"Stop wasting my time…and fight me one on one!" Nightmare Moon screamed as she charged Celestia, who was waiting for her on the other end of the battlefield.

Spinning her sword, Celestia drove it into the ground, and grabbed Nightmare Moon by the face and slamming her down onto her back.

"You…you…" Nightmare Moon stopped, when she saw one of the Airships plummeting towards them, at increasing velocity. Behind it, its crew sat on flying lifeboats, their hands raised in tearful salute of their ship.

"Using a battleship is cheating." Nightmare Moon said.

The ship smashed into both Celestia and Nightmare Moon, before Celestia erected a large barrier over it and them. Inside the ship, a time bomb set in the ship's magazines promptly reached zero, and a loud muffled explosion created a large earthquake felt all the way up the hill in Camelot.

* * *

"You know…this city, old as it is, looks a lot more…I don't know…advanced than Camelot." Twilight noted as they entered what they presumed to be the remains of a residential neighborhood.

Rarity looked over. "What makes you say?"

"Well, look. Concrete and composites instead of bricks or wood…it's so unnatural." Twilight observed. "The roads are all paved, and even with the forest growing through them, a lot of the structures are intact, even structurally sound."

"So you're saying that whoever built this city a thousand years ago…was a lot more advanced then than we are now?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Rarity examined her "rescued" jewelry. "I must admit, whoever did build this city had excellent taste in aesthetic. I must remember to recreate this design when I get home."

Applejack looked around; it had gotten a lot darker than it already was to begin with. A light shining suddenly caught her off guard, and she shielded her eyes to identify the source. It was Pinkie Pie wearing a safety helmet with an extremely bright lamp on it.

"Pinkie Pie would you stop pointing that thing in my face!" She protested, before another helmet was handed to her, produced from the large colorful bag Pinkie Pie had brought with her. "Uh, no thanks, I'm good."

Fluttershy took it and put it on. "It's awfully dark now though, don't you think?"

Twilight and Rarity's horns began glowing, providing their own light, while Rainbow Dash scoffed at the dark.

Pinkie Pie looked up, the canopy of the trees had completely blocked out the moon, and the trees and buildings were blocking out any other ambient light. "Ooh, spooky."

"Everyone get behind me and stay close…" Applejack said as she took the lead. "There's no telling what could be out here."

She took a step and heard and felt something go squish beneath her foot. "I really hope that's mud I just stepped in."

It wasn't. The squishy thing she stepped in wrapped around her ankle and yanked her into the air, as she let out a scream.

"Applejack-!" Twilight was cut off as tentacles grabbed her legs and waist, and dragged away.

Rainbow Dash quickly charged in, but more tentacles shot from the trees and caught her wings and arms, holding them flat against her body. "Hey let go of me!"

Rarity quickly stood back to back with Fluttershy, and quickly went to draw her saber, but it was knocked from her hand and she was brought down to the ground, while Fluttershy was similarly snatched up.

Struggling against the tentacles, Rarity, reached out for her sword, before something large landed in front of her. It was a hideous, black, blob-like beast on two stubby legs with huge ugly red eyes and a mouth full of gnarled teeth. Staring at her, it let out a horrifying sound, like children screaming in terror.

Understandably, Rarity freaked right out.

Overhead, Applejack and Rainbow Dash faced against their own attackers, but the shrieks and their terrifying appearance even robbed them of the will to fight. Fluttershy was completely paralyzed, while Twilight was doing everything she could to still break free.

She knew about these creatures, and that made things worse. They were carnivorous, attacked in groups, and used fear to immobilize their prey before slowly consuming them. Death was assuredly going to be a long and drawn out affair.

However, she knew if you stood your ground, it'd dramatically increase your chances for survival. "I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run…huh?"

The monsters and their victims all gave pause, when they heard Pinkie Pie's laughter. She had been caught too, but rather than panicking, she was in hysterics, pointing a finger at the monster that held her.

"This one has buck teeth! Like a beaver!" She rested an arm over her forehead as she pointed at the unfortunate-looking critter.

The creature, either repulsed by Pinkie's laughter of humiliated by its deformity being brought to attention, dropped her and backed away. It then let out its terrifying sound again, but Pinkie Pie laughed even harder.

"I don't believe it." Twilight said.

"HOW ARE YOU NOT FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW?" Rarity screamed as she continued to try kicking free of the monster that snared her.

"Oh girls, don't you see?" Pinkie Pie asked, as she pulled a boom box out of her bag and hit the play button. Music began to play from it, causing the monsters to suddenly freeze up, like it was the most hideous sound in the world to them.

Pinkie started singing. "When I was a little girl and the sun was going down."

Twilight stared. "What."

"The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frown." She sang as she skipped past Rarity and Fluttershy.

"Wonderful story, Pinkie, now SAVE US." Rarity demanded.

"I'd hide under my pillow from what I thought I saw, but Granny Pie said that wasn't the way to deal with fears at all." She waved to Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

"At least I get to hear a catchy tune before I die." Rainbow Dash muttered.

"She said: Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall, learn to face your fears. You'll see that they can't hurt you, just laugh to make them disappear~." She stopped at the monster holding Twilight, and got in its face.

"HA! HA! HA!"

The creature screamed, and dropped Twilight before skittering back from her. The other girls gasped in surprise, and then realizing that it was effective, turned very malicious grins onto their attackers. If the monsters could sweat, they'd be doing so by the bucket.

"So, giggle at the ghostly!"

Fluttershy laughed at the monster holding her, and it promptly released her.

"Guffaw at the grossly!"

Rainbow Dash did as instructed, causing the beast to flee her.

"Crack up at the creepy."

Rarity gave the tentacle monster holding her a sloe-eyed look and let out a derisive laugh, causing its tentacles to go limp before it slunk away.

"Whoop it up with the weepy."

Applejack was dropped after laughing at her monster, and she landed in a perfect three point crouch.

"Chortle at the kooky."

The monster that released Pinkie Pie rallied with the others and all roared at the girls.

"Snortle at the spooky."

The girls all responded by laughing and pointing at the monsters, causing them to lose their confidence and self-worth. Pinkie Pie then stepped up to the front of the huddled, terrified monsters and reached into her bag.

"And tell that big dumb scary face to take a hike and leave you alone and if he thinks he can scare you then he's got another thing coming and the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna…!"

Reaching into her bag up to her shoulder, Pinkie Pie laughed unstably as she found what she was looking for, and pulled out a magazine-fed bazooka.

"LAUGH!" She called out before she fired the weapon, and blew the monsters up.

As bits of monster rained down on the group, everyone stared at Pinkie Pie, who lowered the recoilless rifle and turned to the others.

"What?" Pinkie Pie asked.

Twilight stared. For a moment, she was silent, before she snickered, and burst into laughter again. How could she not, after witnessing something so absurd? The other girls joined in, even Fluttershy, despite the fact that Pinkie Pie had just blasted a bunch of living creatures to bits.

"Well, the Elements of Harmony aren't going to retrieve themselves, aren't they?" Pinkie Pie asked as she turned her helmet light on and pointed it down the path. "Let's go!"

The girls quickly followed, leaving the tentacle monsters to start pulling themselves back together.

Out on the battlefield of the Goddesses, the barrier containing the exploding battleship faded, and the demolished wreck toppled over with a crash. Smoke rising from her body, Nightmare Moon slowly stood up, parts of her armor cracked, and her dress torn, as she tried to recover from the force of the blast that had been focused on her and Celestia.

"You…insane…" She held out her hand, and summoned her sword to it.

Celestia, parts of her own dress scorched and torn, leaned on her sword for a moment, before she pulled it out of the ground. Their wings opening, the two sisters threw themselves at each other and locked blades.

"…Impudent…" Nightmare Moon growled as both became wrapped in their respective auras of light and dark. "…Stubborn…goody-goody…"

The Fast Tanks that circled the two sisters quickly turned and retreated as the immense increase of power caused chunks rocks and debris to be lifted into the air like in a big updraft.

Nightmare Moon pushed against Celestia, who pushed back with equal strength, their stalemate unbroken despite everything else around them coming apart. "…Why are you even bothering…? You can't beat me…you're not going to be able to…without…the…!"

All at once, Nightmare Moon realized what was really going on, and stared at her sister. "That apprentice of yours, I forgot all about her, didn't I?"

Celestia drew her sword back. "Yes."

She smacked Nightmare Moon with the flat of her sword, sending her into an unoccupied hill with enough force that it collapsed.

Rays of midnight blue began to shine from the cracks and the rubble, before the hill and the dust that it created were all consumed by a growing flame the color of the starry sky. At the center of the flames, Nightmare Moon was completely silent in her fury.

"That's it dear sister…I'm not playing your game anymore." She said coldly to Celestia.

Holding out her free hand, she opened it, and then closed it. The starry flames became a tornado that spiraled into the sky, before it scattered into streams that fell upon the Equestrian Military's ships, engulfing them and sending them crashing to the ground, losing their wings in the process.

Striking the ground, the flames struck tanks and artillery pieces, the magic forcibly twisting the barrels of the weapons. Not even the speedy Fast Tanks could escape the streams of fire, which shredded their treads and bent their barrels in wild angles..

The streams struck against Celestia, but were scattered by her power as she rushed straight for Nightmare Moon. Her horn and eyes glowing brightly, she tackled Nightmare Moon, digging a long trench across the ground before both came to a stop. Pinned underneath her older sister, Nightmare Moon stared up at Celestia.

Celestia was shocked to sense that not a single folk had been killed by Nightmare Moon's attack. Why had she spared them when she was well within her power to destroy them? Was…was the little sister she knew and loved still in there, beneath that twisted bitterness?

"Luna…" She then felt a burning pain in her chest, as Nightmare Moon's blade was thrust through it.

Shoving Celestia off her with the sword still in her chest, Nightmare Moon's horn began to glow, and she stood up. "I told you to stop calling me that."

The chain at the end of the sword extended and shot into the ground. Seconds later, numerous chains from different directions shot out of it, and lashed around Celestia's body, securing her in place on her knees in front of Nightmare Moon.

Kneeling down in front of Celestia, Nightmare Moon reached up and caressed her face. "Dear older sister, you really thought you could bide your little apprentice time?"

Celestia was visibly struggling against the chains, but the sword and the injury it had caused had sapped her strength. Nightmare Moon smiled, and summoned another sword, before taking Celestia's blade and tossing it aside. "I'm going to go kill your only hope, Celestia. I'll bring her body back for you to grieve over."

Opening her wings, she lifted off and flew fast for the Everfree Forest, leaving Celestia to bow her head,

"Please save my little sister, Twilight." She whispered.

* * *

"It got really quiet over there." Rainbow Dash noticed. Indeed, the entire group could hear now were the ambient sounds of the forest. Distant creatures, the rustling of leaves, the hysterical cries of a sea dragon in the river up ahead…wait a second.

"Hey, do you guys hear…that…" Twilight stopped when they reached the clearing and saw the broad river separating them from the ruins of the castle.

Pinkie Pie put her hands on her hips. "How are we gonna cross this?"

Rainbow Dash looked up and down the river. There was a bridge, but it appeared to have been destroyed. Before she could offer to try flying everyone over, the hysterical crying Twilight had noticed started up again.

"Guys, I'm not the only one who notices that, am I?" Twilight asked, before Rarity pointed.

"Look!"

And look they did, at a long haired, purple, and fabulous looking sea serpent crying his eyes out and thrashing about in the river, creating the unsafe conditions. It didn't appear hurt, but one of its long orange whiskers was missing.

"What a world, what a _world_!" The sobbing serpent shouted in his sadness.

Twilight looked amongst her companions and shrugged her shoulders before calling out. "Excuse me, sir? Can you tell us why you're crying?"

The serpent looked down at the six lady folk staring curiously at him, and turned away melodramatically. "Don't look at me, I'm hideous!"

"No kidding." Rainbow Dash muttered, and Applejack elbowed her in the gut. "Oof!"

"Could you tell us what happened? Maybe we can help you." Twilight called.

The serpent let out a sigh. "It was terrible! I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when this horrid, effeminate little winged folk boy in a tacky skintight suit flew up and sliced off part of my moustache!"

"Effeminate…?" Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes. "The Shadowbolts."

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Well, could you stop thrashing around! We have places to go and you're in our way!"

Rarity let out a gasp. "Applejack! How can you be so insensitive? Just look at him, he's simply divine!"

Everyone stared at Rarity, in shock. The sea serpent actually blushed.

Pinkie Pie then spoke up. "Uh, Rarity? I know you're hard up for a guy, but…"

Rarity held her hand in Pinkie's face, silencing her. She looked to the serpent. "Look at his magnificent scales, his excellently styled hair, and his most expertly done manicure! Why, he must spend hours at the salon."

Applejack tilted her head to one side, baffled at the idea. "A salon. For sea serpents."

"Oh, it's true! You have no idea how much work has to be done, it's very expensive." The sea serpent replied.

Applejack pulled her hat down over her face, refusing to try making sense of this anymore.

"And to think, all of that hard work, the grooming, the money…all of it is gone because someone defaced your moustache!" Rarity shook her head.

The Sea Serpent swooned melodramatically once more. "Oh, the shame, my life is forfeit!"

Rarity quickly drew her saber, her blue eyes narrowing. "Then I will just have to do something about that."

Twilight recoiled. "Rarity, what are you doing?"

When she raised her sword, the girls gasped, and when she made the devastating cut, Fluttershy actually fainted.

The sea serpent was shocked. "Young madam…but…why…?"

Her hair cut neatly just above the shoulders, Rarity reached into Pinkie Pie's bag and pulled out some hair care products. She then proceeded to dye the long section of her hair she removed orange, and used her magic to swiftly attach it to the cut section of the serpent's mustache.

The serpent quickly calmed the waters, and looked at his reflection in the moonlit surface. "Oh my, it…it's _marvelous_!"

He looked to Rarity. "Oh thank you, young madam. How could I ever replay you for your generosity! This…oh this is just the greatest!"

"Oh, think nothing of it. As a connoisseur of fashion and as a Lady, it is my noble duty to tend to the needs of others, and you are truly a serpent in need"

Twilight was in disbelief, before Rarity's words rang in her memory and she smiled. Rarity definitely wasn't like the girls back in Camelot, not at all.

Rarity stepped up to the shore. "It's going to be a swim, but at least we can cross now."

It was then that the sea serpent raised his body from the river. "Please, allow me to see you across, it's the least I can do!"

Smiling to each other, the girls climbed upon the serpent's back, and he began for the other side, of course sharing fashion tips with Rarity along the way.

* * *

At the palace of the two sisters, the Elements of Harmony sat atop their pedestal, encased in stone and inert as they had been for one thousand years. Even as they were, Nightmare Moon was hesitant to go anywhere near them. She remembered their power, even waning they had been enough to throw her and lock her upon the Moon.

But, she had made it here before the apprentice could. She had nothing to fear.

"Our Princess, Nightmare Moon." She turned and stared in surprise at the Shadowbolts, all six of them, knelt before her in two rows of three.

"What…what are you doing here?" The last time Nightmare Moon had seen them was a thousand years ago!

The not as young as he looked leader looked up to his ruler. "We sealed ourselves away, to be awakened to serve you once more when you were freed. We wanted to make our presence known in that town, Sunnyville, but then Princess Celestia arrived. We have, however, been tracking and delaying her apprentice and the companions she's chosen."

Nightmare Moon smiled at that, and nodded her approval. "Well done, my servants. When she arrives, allow the apprentice to enter the palace, and do as you please with her companions."

The Shadowbolts all bowed their heads again. "We obey, O Sovereign of the Night."

All six vanished in a cloud of expanding mist, which poured from the dilapidated castle's doors and windows and spread to enshroud all of it.

The rolling mist greeted the girls, as they passed the walls of the castle. Everyone was on their guard, Rarity's saber was drawn, Rainbow Dash was flying above the group, with keen eyes piercing the mist, Pinkie Pie had her bazooka pointed at anything she thought was moving, while Applejack brought up the rear with Fluttershy, who held the knife she got from the manticore in both hands, close to her chest.

At the front of the group, Twilight's horn glowed as she tried to see further into the mist herself, but was having no luck. "I can barely see my hand in front of me…Rainbow Dash, what about you?"

"I got nothing, I'm gonna try to get ahead." Rainbow Dash flew forward.

And a loud splat was heard as she smacked into a wall. "Ow."

Everyone winced, and Fluttershy looked from Applejack to the direction of Rainbow Dash's voice. "Oh no, Rainbow Dash are you alright?"

As she flew off into the mist, a pair of hands reached from behind Applejack and yanked her into the mist with one hand over her mouth, and the other around her waist.

Her muffled cry alerted the others, who turned around. "Applejack!"

"Get your hands off me, varmint!" Applejack called out, before she kicked her attacker and quickly reunited with the groups. "Guys, someone tried to grab me just now!"

Pinkie Pie aimed her bazooka. "I got it!"

She fired a rocket straight towards where Applejack came from, only for the rocket to be kicked off its mark before it could explode. "Pinkie Pie ya dern fool!"

The rocket exploded, revealing…Applejack?

"Wait, what's going on?" Rarity asked as she looked from the second Applejack to the first.

Pinkie Pie aimed her bazooka at the second, and then at the first, who quickly put her hands up. "Don't point that at me, she's an imposter!"

Applejack Number 2 pointed at Applejack Number 1. "That one's one of them there Shadowbolts, he grabbed me an' took my appearance!"

Applejack Number 1 pointed at Applejack Number 2. "What in tarnation are you thinkin' calling me an imposter? You're the one who took my form after I kicked ya in the head!"

"I ain't no fake, you are!" Number 2 argued.

Number 1 bristled. "You callin' me a liar?"

Twilight looked back and forth between the two Applejacks, her horn glowing. Whoever was the fake was using a very strong magic, she couldn't tell the difference between the two at all.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy emerged from the mist at Twilight's side, and were stopped by the strange scene. Twilight looked to the two Winged Folk. "Any ideas?"

Fluttershy shook her head, while Rainbow Dash bit her lower lip. "Two Applejacks, unf."

Both Applejacks glared at Rainbow Dash. "HEY!"

Rainbow Dash snapped her fingers. "Darn, hoped the fake would go for it."

It was Rarity, however, who had an idea. "Oh Applejack, I heard from sources that wished to remain undisclosed that you were a big fan of Eventide."

A long silence fell over the group and the two Applejacks, before Rainbow Dash burst out laughing. "You…you of all folk read that mushy, badly written Vampire Love Story trash?"

Pinkie Pie snickered, and then began laughing as well, while Rarity looked smug. Applejack Number 1 blushed, and hiked her shoulders, before she puffed out her chest. "So what if I like it? I enjoy it and I'll stand by it, so laugh all you want!"

Applejack Number 2 opened her mouth to accuse Number 1 of being the fake, but Pinkie Pie had already shot her in the chest, sending her crashing into and through the wall behind her before the rocket exploded.

Twilight, surprised, stared at the blasted Applejack, and then went wide-eyed when she saw that Number 2 had indeed been the fake! She looked to the real Applejack, still blushing, but smiling big to her friends.

"Y'all hit way below the belt, you know." She said in mock indignation.

Rainbow Dash chuckled. "You know Applejack, you're stubborn, ill-tempered, and the worst tease, but you're at least honest about what you like, even if it's garbage."

Applejack snorted smugly, before she stopped and stared at Rainbow Dash. "What do you mean, 'the worst tease'?"

"You tell me, Daisy Dukes." Rainbow Dash replied, prompting a glare from Applejack, before the fake Applejack, in fact a Shadowbolt, got back up.

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes, when the five other Shadowbolts joined him; all posed menacingly in front of or atop the wall. "Shadowbolts…"

"Our Princess, Nightmare Moon, shall not be defeated by you fetid female folk." Their effeminate leader taunted.

"Who are you calling Fetid?" Pinky Pie yelled at the Shadowbolt Leader, before she looked to Rarity. "What does fetid mean?"

"It means smelly and unpleasant." Rarity replied.

That just made Pinkie Pie even madder. "Rude!"

Twilight looked from the Shadowbolts to the Castle. "I'm going to go get the elements and activate them; can you guys handle them here?"

"N-no, not really." Fluttershy admitted.

Rainbow Dash smirked. "I'll kick enough butts for the three of us.

Applejack cracked her knuckles. "Go do what you have to do, Twilight. We'll take care of these varmints."

Rarity readied her sword as Pinkie Pie reloaded her bazooka. The former spoke. "Just don't take too long, Twilight, lest we become bored out here waiting."

One of the Shadowbolts, his suit numbered 3, pulled out two curved long swords similar to Nightmare Moon's, as the Shadowbolt next to him, Number 5, pulled out what looked like a long-barreled musket, challenging Rarity and Pinkie Pie respectively.

A Shadowbolt twirling a knife between his fingers, Number 4 spoke to their leader. "I got dibs on the weak one."

The leader shrugged his shoulders as he sized up Rainbow Dash. "Whatever."

Applejack huffed when Shadowbolts 2 and 6 sized her up, and adopted fighting stances. The former had been the one who had attempted to impersonate her. Making sure her hat was on tight, she crouched and sprang forward, crossing the distance towards the two winged folk before leaping and coming down with a punch that shattered the wall and kicked up a cloud of dust.

That was the cue to begin the fight, as Twilight turned and ran for the castle. Emerging from the dust first, Shadowbolt 5 aimed at the fleeing Horned Folk's back before Pinkie Pie entered his iron sight, aiming her bazooka at him.

Shadowbolt 5 went straight up and over the missile, which curved off into the sky overhead, and fired at Pinkie Pie, who had taken cover behind a large block. The shot destroyed most of the stone, before Pinkie Pie popped her head up and pulled down her lower eyelid to taunt him.

"Your aim sucks!" She taunted before she dove out of the way from another shot that destroyed the rest of her cover.

Shadowbolt 3 emerged from the cloud slowly, approaching Rarity with his two swords ready for any attack the horned woman could attempt. Rarity looked a little intimidated. "Now that I think about it, I think I've overestimated my abilities. You have two swords, and I only have one…"

"Don't worry; I won't hit any of your vitals, but it will hurt." Shadowbolt 3 said before he attacked with unbelievable speed and ferocity.

When Rarity raised her sword to block, both blades struck and she was sent tumbling backwards towards the stairs of the palace. He lowered his weapons and let out a sigh. "So weak."

Overhead, Shadowbolt Leader and Rainbow Dash narrowly passed one another, faster and faster, each trying to throw their opponent off with their high speed and G maneuvers to create an opening for an attack.

"You're as good as I suspected." Shadowbolt Leader complimented as they spiraled around each other in a climb.

"What did you just say? I can't hear you over how fast I am!" Rainbow Dash replied before she changed direction at a right angle and shot past one of the castle's towers.

On the other side, however, Shadowbolt Leader kicked her in the chin, sending her into and through the tower. Leaving a purple, yellow, and black streak behind him, raced over the top of the tower to attack Rainbow Dash again, but only passed through her Technicolor streak.

"Huh?" He asked before Rainbow Dash smacked him atop the back of his head.

"Tag, you're it." She said before she suddenly shot straight up.

Smirking, Shadowbolt Leader raced after her into the night sky.

Down below, Fluttershy had taken cover behind some rubble from the collapsed wall, and peering over it at Applejack as she skillfully held off two of the Shadowbolts at once with her martial arts skill alone.

Parrying the rapid strikes from Shadowbolt 2, Applejack spun and backhanded her attacker and continued the spin to block Shadowbolt 6's palm strike for her neck. Grabbing Shadowbolt 6's arm, she threw him to the ground and then kicked Shadowbolt 2 in the chest as he lunged at her from behind.

"Y'all had better work harder if yer gonna beat this lady!" She yelled as she then punted Shadowbolt 6 over the wall.

She turned and slapped away two more punches from Shadowbolt 2, before leveling him with a hard right to the jaw. As he fell, however, Shadowbolt 6 grabbed her from behind, his arms looping under her shoulders and clasping his hands behind her neck.

"Dang it, y'all quit grabbin' me!" Applejack yelled as Shadowbolt 6 leaped into the sky, his partner coughing before he too opened his wings and took to the sky.

"Oh no, Applejack!" Fluttershy gasped, before Shadowbolt 4 grabbed her by her hair and yanked her backward; causing her to drop the knife she had equipped herself with before. "Ow!"

Thrown onto her back, she let out a squeak of fear and rolled out of the way of a knife being driven into the ground where her head had been. Getting up, she crawled backward from Shadowbolt 4, who picked up his knife and twirled it in his hand as he walked after her.

"N-now hold on…" Fluttershy squeaked. "…Y-you don't want to hurt me…I'm weak, and helpless, and I don't know how to f-fight…I'm no challenge for you at all."

The Shadowbolt smiled and pointed his black painted knife at Fluttershy. "Silly girl, that is exactly why I picked you."

Fluttershy stared at the knife, before she recognized it as identical to the knife she pulled from the Manticore's paw.

* * *

As the battle waged outside, Twilight had made it into the palace and rushed to the Elements of Harmony. They are all there, all she had to do was activate them and this would all be over. Hopefully Princess Celestia was still keeping Nightmare Moon at bay so she could work without any further interruption.

Those hopes were swiftly dashed by the appearance of Nightmare Moon in a dramatic swirl of starry night sky. The dark princess was standing directly between Twilight and the Elements, her sword ready and gleaming despite its black color.

Twilight felt a flash of fear. "Oh crap."

"Realizing now that I've defeated your Princess and there is nothing on this planet that can save you, apprentice?" Nightmare Moon asked.

That fear flared up, but was quickly squashed down. No, now wasn't the time to be afraid, the Elements were right there, and Nightmare Moon or High Water, she was going to end this eternal night! For Celestia, for Equestria, and for all the folk who were counting on her!

"You know what? I don't really care." Twilight replied as her horn began to glow brightly and she charged straight for Nightmare Moon.

Nightmare Moon stared at her, surprised that she was attacking. "You're kidding. You're kidding, right?"

Twilight yelled. "No!"

Nightmare Moon sighed. "I wanted to make more of a show of this, but, whatever."

Moving faster than any other folk could hope to follow; Nightmare Moon swung her sword to cut Twilight in half, only to come to a stop when she didn't feel the familiar weight of her blade cutting through its target. She turned and looked around.

"Wait, what?" She asked, before Twilight reappeared in a flash of light atop the pedestal of the Elements of Harmony. "That frail little girl can use that spell?"

Disoriented by her teleportation only briefly, Twilight quickly caught herself and balanced upon the center of the pedestal as she challenged all of her magical might into the elements. Seeing this, Nightmare Moon's eyes grew wide.

"No…no…!" She quickly attacked again, swinging her sword to strike down Twilight, only to be stopped by a powerful barrier created by the Elements as they began to react. "NO!"

Twilight looked up at the barrier, and Nightmare Moon's panic, and grinned. "That's right, Nightmare Moon! This is the light you fear, the power of the Elements of Harmony! And with these, I will–!"

There was a loud sound, like electricity arcing between Tesla coils, and suddenly Twilight Sparkle was flung off the Elements and over Nightmare Moon's head. Tumbling on the floor, she slowly got up and turned to stare at the still glowing elements and Nightmare Moon standing over them as their glow grew brighter.

"No! No! No…?" Nightmare Moon stared at the Elements as the glow suddenly disappeared. It appeared that Twilight's efforts didn't make a bit of difference. The elements were inert.

Twilight was stupefied. "But…how? They're all here, I gave them a spark, where's the sixth element?"

Nudging one of the elements with her foot, Nightmare Moon's eyes widened, before she began laughing. Raising her free hand up, she closed it, and her dark magic shattered the pedestal and the elements, sending the pieces spraying in every direction, and raining down upon a completely devastated Twilight.

"But…how…?" Twilight asked, before she was impaled through her chest by Nightmare Moon, who went on to slam her into the wall of the castle, cracking it.

Twilight tried to make a sound, but couldn't from the air being forced from her lungs and the intense pain from the wound.

Staring down at Twilight, Nightmare Moon laughed. "Thinking you could defeat me, when your beloved Princess couldn't? I've destroyed your elements, I've sealed away your Princess, and I've taken your worthless little life."

Twilight tried to gasp, but it came out as a bloody cough. Nightmare Moon reached up and caressed her face. "But it won't be all bad. You won't die alone here…I'll send your friends along to join you soon enough…"

Those words resonated with Twilight, and even mortally wounded her mind quickly began to work.

"_Make some friends? She wants me to make preparations for the party and make some friends? How does doing that even begin to prepare us for the doom that is coming to Equestria?"_

"_Well it's a pleasure making your acquaintance, Miss Twilight!"_

"_You're pretty okay, Twilight, I can't wait to hang out some more."_

"_Oh Twilight, I do hope we become the best of friends!"_

"_See? Now you will have lots, and lots of friends!"_

"_I really wanted to get to know you better, and I was afraid that gave all gave you a bad impression."_

Twilight's eyes went wide. "…That's it."

Nightmare Moon blinked. "What's it?"

There was then a blinding flash, and Nightmare Moon was flung away from Twilight and it was her turn to take a tumble across the ancient floor of the castle. Stopping herself with her sword, it took Nightmare Moon a moment to realize that the blade was no longer run through Twilight, who pushed herself off the wall, light beaming from her horn and from the hole in her chest.

"What is this…?" Nightmare Moon asked in a trembling voice.

Twilight closed her eyes and smiled. "You thought you can destroy the Elements of Harmony just like that? Well you're wrong, because the spirits of the Elements of Harmony are still here!"

As she spoke, the shattered elements began to shake and glow, before they levitated into the air around Nightmare Moon.

Outside, Shadowbolt 4 lunged to stab Fluttershy and stopped, paralyzed. She was staring at him; her green eyes narrowed in anger as she got up and took the knife from his hand. Throwing it aside, she got directly into Shadowbolt 4's face. "You…you're the one who hurt that poor baby Manticore, aren't you!"

Shadowbolt 4 was overcome with terror, so much so that he could not control his actions or his words. "Y-yes!"

Fluttershy grabbed him by the collar of his flight suit, and then yanked him down…right over her knee. She then commenced spanking him. "You are a very bad person and you should be ashamed! Picking on a defenseless manticore, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Shadowbolt 4 cried in shame and fear as he was punished.

Back inside the castle, Twilight spoke. "Fluttershy, who can show nothing but compassion to anyone, represents the Spirit of Kindness!"

The shattered Element of Harmony then reformed itself, becoming a butterfly shaped pink opal.

Shadowbolt 3, stepping up to Rarity, offered her the opportunity to get onto her feet, which she did. He was a good sport, and seeing that he was so much better than her, he decided he'd give her a chance, and gestured for her to come at him. "Come now, don't hold back at all. Give me all that you have, and if I'm impressed I may let you live."

Rarity, holding her saber, nodded slowly. "If you say so…"

Everything happened in a blur, Shadowbolt 3's swords were knocked from his hands, which were quickly lacerated, and Rarity had the end of her saber rested against his throat.

"H-how…?" The disarmed Shadowbolt asked.

"I apologize for being deceptive, but you're just not worth my time." Rarity said smoothly.

"Rarity, who soothed a sobbing serpent by giving up her lovely hair, represents the Spirit of Generosity!" Twilight declared, and that broken element reformed, becoming a diamond shaped amethyst.

High over the castle, Shadowbolt 6 held tightly onto Applejack as Shadowbolt 2 cracked his knuckles. "I'm going to enjoy this too much."

He raced at Applejack to punch her in the face, but at the very last moment, she turned her head to the side, causing his fist to graze the side of it before plowing into Shadowbolt 6's jaw, knocking him out cold and causing him to release her. "No!"

"Oh, yes!" Applejack kicked off Shadowbolt 6's body and grabbed Shadowbolt two around the neck with a lariat. She swung him around, going into a spin as they fell.

At the last minute she let go, and landed as Shadowbolt 6 crashed into the ground and made a deep crater behind her. "An Apple a day keeps the bandits away!"

"Applejack, whose wasn't afraid to admit what she liked, represents the spirit of Honesty!" Twilight declared. Subsequently, the corresponding element repaired itself into an apple-shaped citrine.

Back outside, Pinkie Pie ran from explosions as Shadowbolt 3 continued firing his rifle at her, and finally dove behind cover, a large block, the last shot chipping part of it off. As he lowered the weapon, Pinkie Pie jumped up onto the block and aimed her bazooka at him.

"I've got you now!" She called out as she fired off several more rockets at him. Shadowbolt 3 easily avoided the rockets, moving from side to side, and the rockets immediately began curving off into the sky in random directions.

"Who do you have?" He asked as he dodged a fourth rocket with ease. Undeterred, Pinkie Pie pulled out a compressed air gun and fired a suction cup-tipped dart with a flashing red end that harmlessly stuck to Shadowbolt 3's forehead. "Huh?"

Pinkie Pie then turned her back to him, and set the end of her bazooka on the ground, posing. Seeing this, Shadowbolt 3 removed the dart and stared at it before looking to her. "What's the big idea, fatso? Giving up?"

"No!" Pinkie Pie declared. "It's just that cool dudes don't look at explosions!"

Shadowbolt 3 lowered his rifle. "What–?"

The four rockets that Pinkie Pie fired hit the Shadowbolt, having homed in on the tracer dart, and created a very large explosion above and behind her. As the unconscious Shadowbolt hit the ground, Pinkie Pie laughed.

Nightmare Moon watched as yet another Element reformed, becoming a balloon-shaped blue topaz. "Pinkie Pie, who laughed at fear itself, represents the Spirit of Laughter!" Twilight declared. "And finally…!"

Whipping and spiraling through the air higher and faster, Rainbow Dash and Shadowbolt Leader ascended high above the clouds over the Everfree Forest, rings of vapor forming around them as they went transonic. Glancing to her side, Rainbow Dash smirked to her opponent, who returned the smirk.

Then, turning at right angles, both charged each other at supersonic closing speeds, before Rainbow Dash twisted her body to slam a kick into Shadowbolt Leader's face, which he blocked with both arms raised. The impact sounded like a crack of thunder, and both winged folk were sent flying back.

Her wings fluttering as she stabilized herself, Rainbow Dash watched as her opponent did the same. Shadowbolt Leader smiled and spoke. "You may be fast, but you don't hit hard quite enough. You should really reconsider joining us; we could get all that extra speed out of you."

Rainbow Dash grinned. "You don't get how fast I am, do you? I could beat you in ten seconds flat!"

She paused, and then added. "In fact, I will."

To Shadowbolt Leader's surprise, she suddenly vanished. "Where did she-AHHH!"

Rainbow Dash had tackled him, and gone into a dive, a Mach Cone rapidly forming around her as she aimed for the forest outside of the castle. Seconds later, there was a loud explosion from the trees that knocked some down, before Rainbow Dash shot out from them and slid to a halt through the at the steps of the castle, joining the other girls.

Running her fingers through her hair, Rainbow Dash looked back towards where she left Shadowbolt Leader in a crater, and then laughed. "I guess I was faster than I thought."

She looked up at the lights coming from inside the castle, and then looked to the others. "Come on, Twilight needs our help!"

The last crystal reformed, becoming a lightning bolt-shaped lightning bolt as Twilight Sparkle finished. "Rainbow Dash's refusal to go off with your flunkies, even when offered personal glory, represents the Spirit of Loyalty!"

The five Spirits of Harmony entered at that moment, and saw the light show going on. The Elements themselves, reacting to their arrival, quickly shot to them, golden necklaces forming around the crystals that quickly affixed themselves around the necks of each girl.

"Because of the spirits they represent, these girls got through every obstacle thrown at them to get here." Twilight declared.

Nightmare Moon got up, and began to glow from the tip of her horn to her feet. "You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!"

"Oh, but it did!" Twilight said as she put her hand over the glowing wound, the light seeping from under her fingers. "A different kind of spark was what was needed! When you threatened to hurt them after you stabbed me, I could only think of them, and it hit me! I realized how happy I was to have met them, and how much I cared about them!"

She looked back to her friends. "The spark ignited inside _me_ when I realized that you all are my _friends_!"

Closing her eyes, Twilight faced Nightmare Moon. "You see, Nightmare Moon, when those Elements are ignited by the _spark_ that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element: the element of... _magic_."

She opened her eyes, now glowing brightly, as the sixth crystal appeared in the form of a six point star set in a golden crown. Her clothes immediately transformed, becoming a regal white dress not unlike Princess Celestia's. The other elements reacted accordingly, transforming Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy's clothes into the ethereal white dresses.

Nightmare Moon pointed her hand at the six girls, to incinerate them all before they could attack her. "I WON'T LET YOU!"

Twilight Sparkle grinned. "Too bad."

The Elements all shining as one, they produced an incredible ray of light that shot up, and arched over in all the colors of the rainbow before slamming down upon Nightmare Moon. On impact, the rainbow colored light blasted out of every opening of the castle, and spread across the sky, turning night into day as the sun rose triumphantly into the sky on the wave of power.

* * *

When the light faded, Twilight opened her eyes and sighed when she felt the warm rays of the morning sun on her face. "Oh…is everyone okay?"

Rainbow Dash sat up. "Oh my head…my…clothes?"

She stopped and looked down at herself. Halter-neck top that bared her midriff, flowing white skirt, crazy awesome necklace, and she didn't even feel like she'd spent the last few hours trudging through a murky forest.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Rarity exclaimed suddenly, and everyone looked to find that her shorn hair had grown back. Generous as she had been, she was not looking forward to growing it all back out again.

Fluttershy was more mesmerized by Rarity's attire, and the necklace that was around her neck too. "Why Rarity, it's so lovely."

"I know! I'll never part with it again!" Rarity declared as she combed her fingers through it. This was a lie though.

"I mean your necklace; it looks like your cutie mark." Fluttershy clarified, pointing at the side of Rarity's waist and the trio of diamonds etched there.

Rarity examined the necklace and the diamond-shaped amethyst locked into it. "So it is! Yours is too, dear."

Fluttershy compared the butterfly-shaped pink opal with her cutie mark, and giggled. "It's cute."

"Look at mine, look at mine!" Pinkie Pie said to Rainbow Dash as she held up her balloon-shaped blue topaz.

Rainbow Dash held up her necklace's lightning-shaped ruby and nodded. "Yours is cool, but mine is like…twenty percent cooler."

"Oh yeah!" Pinkie Pie agreed.

Twilight adjusted the crown upon her head, and removed it to look at the six-point star that resembled her cutie mark, which Applejack quickly noticed was missing from her side.

"Hey, sugar cube, where's your cutie mark?" Applejack said as she walked over to Twilight.

Twilight flushed a little and smiled. "Uh well…mine's in a weird place."

She turned around, displaying her six-point star cutie mark at the small of her back. Applejack raised an eyebrow at this. That was an odd spot; it also meant she only had one mark as opposed to the others' two.

Still, it wasn't a big deal. "You know Twilight; I admit I kind of suspected you for being up to no good when this started. But I'm glad I was wrong, you pulled one heck of a win."

"No, we all did." Twilight replied as she gave Applejack a friendly hug.

"That's correct!"

The six girls quickly turned and looked in surprise as Princess Celestia, her body and dress mended by the light of her sun, descended through one of the palace's large windows and came to a landing in front of them. The other girls immediately bowed, while an overjoyed Twilight all but leapt to embrace her mentor.

"Princess Celestia!" She cried happily as she hugged her Princess, who returned the hug.

"Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student, I knew I could count on you." Celestia said as she touched her horn to Twilight's.

Twilight then looked up. "You knew that Nightmare Moon was coming back, and you knew that the Elements were the only things that could stop her! That's why you sent me to Sunnyville, to make friends so we could defeat Nightmare Moon, right?"

Princess Celestia nodded. "Yes, it is as you say."

She then looked to the other girls. "I knew that you had the power to use the elements, Twilight, but you wouldn't be able to unless you made some genuine friends and accept them into your heart."

Twilight looked from Celestia to her friends, who all smiled back to her. When she turned to look back to her mentor, the Princess was walking over to where Nightmare Moon lay defeated. She looked different now, no longer statuesque like Celestia, she was a shorter girl around Twilight's height, with a much simpler black gown and crown, and the midnight blue armor lay shattered around her.

"Princess Luna." Celestia called to her, and Luna sat up, looking as though she had woken up from a terrible nightmare.

"S-Sister…I…!" Luna stopped when Celestia knelt beside her.

Celestia stopped Luna with a finger on her lips. "I know that it wasn't you who I locked away on the Moon. It was the bitterness and anger that consumed you. Still, what I did to you was terrible Luna, and for it I'm so sorry."

Luna was stunned. "You…you're apologizing to me…after what I did? What I almost did?"

Tears welled up in Luna's eyes, as she hugged Celestia. "Celestia! I forgive you! I missed you so much!"

Celestia hugged Luna back, allowing her tears to fall as well. "I missed you too, Luna."

"It just warms your heart, doesn't it?" Rarity asked Twilight, who nodded assent.

"You're darn tootin'." Applejack agreed.

Pinkie Pie let out a hum. A few things were bothering her, namely what happened to her bazooka after all the magical swirly stuff happened, but there were more important issues than even that. "This is all good and all, but there's something missing."

Everyone, even Celestia and Luna, looked to Pinkie Pie, who snapped her fingers. "A gigantic party! We gotta get back to Sunnyville, quick!"

Princess Celestial let out a small laugh. "You're absolutely right. I've already arranged for your transport back."

She looked up, as did the others, as her royal yacht came into view over the old palace. At the railing, a relieved Spike waved down at the group, before he tossed down a ladder.

* * *

After figuring out how to transform back to normal, Twilight and her friends were embarked for home aboard the Royal Yacht, Pinkie Pie was already discussing her plans for Luna's Welcome Home party with Celestia and Luna, while the other girls were telling Spike about the adventure.

As Twilight watched the forest pass beneath them, she looked at her newfound friends and then towards distant Sunnyville and Camelot, and let out a sigh.

"Why so glum, my faithful apprentice?" Celestia asked as she rested an arm across Twilight's shoulders.

Twilight looked over at Celestia and then shook her head. "I'm not glum, it's just that…I just made these wonderful friends, but once all the celebrating and partying is over, I'll be going back to Camelot. I'd really like to stay in Sunnyville, and get to know them all better."

Smiling, Celestia touched her horn to Twilight's as she hugged her close. "Is that all, Twilight Sparkle?"

She then looked over to Spike, who was in the middle of hearing Rainbow Dash brag about the sick maneuvers she pulled while fighting at the castle. "Spike? Take a note."

The other girls looked over, as Celestia turned to address them. "I, Princess Celestia of Equestria, hereby decree that my apprentice, the Horned Folk Twilight Sparkle, shall take on a new mission for Equestria."

Twilight stared in surprise at Celestia as she detailed the mission. "She is to continue to expeditiously study the magic of friendship, and she shall report her findings to me from her new home in Sunnyville."

Gasping, Twilight hugged Celestia tightly. "Oh thank you, Princess Celestia! I'll study harder than ever before!"

The other girls quickly joined in the group hug around Twilight, before Spike spoke up.

"Expeditious…expe…?"

Celestia gave him a pointed look. "Diligently."

"Diligent…?"

"Carefully."

At Spike's clueless stare, Celestia raised an eyebrow. "You're just messing with me, aren't you?"

Spike laughed. "Yeah, pretty much."

At this, everyone on the royal yacht joined in laughing, as the boat sailed on for its destination, and the new home of Twilight Sparkle.

* * *

A/N: And with that, My Average Sized Human's pilot chapters end. Tune in next time for slice of life hilarity, smut, and action! Oh, and expect some surprising twists and turns, too.


	3. Farmer, Merchant, BrotherKeeper

Disclaimer: I laugh in the face of the man who wrote "Cupcakes".

**My Average Sized Human  
**Applejack: Farmer, Merchant, Brother-Keeper

_Equestria Daily said to write a chapter not lifted from an episode? Challenge Accepted_

**[3.]**

_Dear Princess Celestia,_

_Today I learned that not only can having friends give you avenues by which to save the world, but also to have fun, enjoy yourself, and make even more friends. As well as a few… Other benefits. Especially when your friends have such industrious, hard working and pleasant family members._

"Hnn…"

Big Macintosh was hard at work as usual, taking up bales of hay as big across as he was tall and tossing them into a wagon. Sweat was flowing down the sides of his muscled neck, down his partially opened flannel shirt to his chiseled chest, and his shoulders bulged in a pleasing manner to any ladyfolk who happened to be watching.

Namely, Twilight Sparkle.

"Oh yes," she hissed, leaning forward on the fence she was spy… Er… Observing from. A blush stained her cheeks and she resisted the urge to hold her hands to her cheeks. "This is so hot."

His strength, his intensity, it hit just about every primal instinct that the studious and borderline-OCD Twilight worked hard to keep in check, and she absolutely _loved it_.

Big Macintosh, oblivious to his audience, reached up to wipe the sweat from his brow, and Twilight practically moaned. "Oh yes, now just take off your shirt and make my day _perfect_."

"So, whatcha doin'?" A familiar voice asked right next to her ear. Twilight recoiled from Pinkie Pie, who was also leaning against the fence, and caught herself from falling down.

She waved frantically at the new arrival. "N-nothing! I wasn't ogling Big Macintosh! I was just on my way to visit Applejack!"

Pinkie Pie blinked, and then pouted. "Aw! I thought I could have an ogle buddy for today! But if you're not ogling Big Mac, I guess I'll have to do it by myself." She leaned forward on the fence, resting her elbows on it and her chin on her hands. She sighed dreamily as she watched Big Mac hard at work, leaving Twilight Sparkle to stare at the pink haired Earth girl.

"I… wait, you're just going to ogle him? Like that? D-Don't you have any shame?" Twilight demanded.

"Nope!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. She looked over at Twilight and winked. "I won't tell anyone if you don't."

Twilight stared for a moment, before she copied Pinkie Pie's stance on the fence and sighed happily. Pinkie Pie smiled warmly.

"How does he do it," Twilight asked, "How can someone get away with being so sexy? It's got to be illegal to be that hot."

"Ohhh, if it is illegal, I hope it's also illegal to spy on something that illegally hot so we can all be in illegally sexy jail together!" Pinkie Pie sighed.

Twilight then imagined something sexy and prison related, and her face turned entirely red. "Y-yeah, me too…"

"It'd be even better if he didn't wear his shirt," Pinkie sighed. She huffed and glared at the clouds overhead. "It's just not hot enough, but he's so sweaty…!"

"Please, for the love of Celestia, take it _off!"_ Twilight cried, a lot louder than she intended. She covered her mouth, but Big Macintosh was already looking in their direction.

"Hm? Oh, mornin' ladies," Big Macintosh said, reaching up to tip a non-existent hat. "What can I do fer you?"

Pinkie Pie stood up with a bright and cheerful smile.

"Oh! Twilight Sparkle was just wondering why you wouldn't take off your-MMPH!"

Twilight covered Pinkie Pie's mouth and giggled nervously and loudly at Big Macintosh.

"Ah, eheheheheh! We're just going to see Applejack nice to see you BYE!" She dragged Pinkie off, leaving Big Macintosh to stare after them in some bemusement. He shook his head, smiled, and resumed his loading duties.

"MMPH! MMNGLE PHWP!" Pinkie cried through Twilight's hand. The purple-haired student had pulled Pinkie all the way to the south fields of Sweet Apple Acres, and finally relented in releasing her.

"What did you say?" Twilight asked.

"I said, 'MMPH! MMNGLE PHWP!'" Pinkie Pie repeated. Twilight facepalmed, though she made sure it was with the hand that hadn't been gagging her friend.

"Pinkie, how _could _you?"

"What? Come on, I was trying to help!" Pinkie Pie said. Twilight huffed.

"I don't need help with Big Macintosh… I'm a grown woman, I've saved the world! I can handle anything thrown at me! I don't want him to get a poor first impression of me by being caught ogling him. It'd look bad when I finally ask him out on a date."

"Hold on, you actually want to _date_ him?" Pinkie Pie asked, surprised.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, I'm not going to just stare at him all day!"

"Um…Twilight, I don't think you'll be able to."

"What, you think I can't?" Twilight smiled and tapped the side of her head. "I've read plenty of books on romance and romantic engagement, I've got it all down!"

"Well, um… I hate to burst your bubble, Twilight, but that's not your biggest hurdle to asking out Big Macintosh," Pinkie Pie said. Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? What is?"

Pinkie Pie turned Twilight around, and pointed at a small grove of apple trees. "She is."

"HUP!" Applejack applied a powerful kick to a tree, bucking every apple in it out and into the barrels waiting below. She smiled confidently, and wiped her forehead free of sweat. Twilight looked over at Pinkie Pie in curiosity.

"Applejack?"

"She's really, _really, __**really**_ overprotective," Pinkie Pie said, gripping Twilight's arm. "I mean, _seriously."_

"Oh come on, how overprotective could she be?" Twilight asked with a smile, trying to sound quite reasonable. Pinkie Pie then sighed, and held the back of her wrist to her forehead.

"Oh, my dear Twilight Sparkle…" For a moment, her hair went flat and her entire appearance seemed darker and muted. She stared gravely at Twilight, who twitched a bit in discomfort.

"You have _no idea,"_ Pinkie Pie said in a grave voice that signalled nothing but doom and despair. She then smiled and her hair poofed back into it's normal wild craziness. Her color returned too as she grasped Pinkie Pie's hand.

"So let's go talk to the people who do! PINKIE PIE AND TWILIGHT SPARKLE, AWAYYY!" With that she rushed off, dragging Twilight behind her.

* * *

Rarity was working at her sewing machine, listening to Twilight and Pinkie Pie as they filled her in on the morning so far. Twilight went to go ogle Big Macintosh as she often did, Pinkie Pie surprised her, as she often did, and then the subject of Applejack and her overprotectiveness of Big Mactintosh came up. She finally looked up from her machine towards Twilight and Pinkie Pie as the latter came to the end of her dialogue on the farm.

"…So I said, 'You have _no_ idea, like this," Pinkie Pie explained. She then smiled. "And then I thought I would ask you Rarity! Tell Twilight about what Applejack did when you tried to jump Big Macintosh!"

"What?" Twilight gasped.

"Oh come now, dear, a man that handsome will have any lady after him. I'm no exception." Rarity sighed dramatically. "But I digress, when I tried to make a move on Big Macintosh, Applejack wasn't pleased at all, and she gave me quite a bit of lip about it." She looked back to her work. "But honestly it's nothing compared to what she did to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie for their antics beforehand."

"And what did you and Dash do?" Twilight asked. Pinkie Pie sighed, grabbed Twilight's hand, and yanked her out of the boutique.

"Ah? WAH! PINKIEEEE!" Twilight cried.

Rarity watched them go, and then huffed in amusement. "Silly girls."

Their next jaunt brought them to Rainbow Dash's home, which was a cloud castle floating above the valley floor within sight of the Apple farm. Pinkie Pie took a deep breath and yelled.

"RAINBOW DASH! COME DOWN AND TALK ABOUT HOW APPLEJACK REACTED WHEN WE TRIED TO SEDUCE BIG MACINTOSH!"

"Pinkie!" Twilight gasped. "Anyone could _hear_ you!"

"Yeah, but it's a lot faster to just yell the reason for her to come down," Pinkie said cheerfully.

Down came Dash, zipping out of her castle on high like a rainbow-colored streak, only slowing down to lick the top of Twilight's horn as she passed over her. "What now?"

"EEP!" Cried Twilight, covering her horn with her hand. She blushed and scowled. "I thought you'd have heard. Pinkie was certainly loud enough…"

"Yep! I'm big on both sides of my chest!" Pinkie Pie said proudly, gesturing to her breasts with a bright smile.

"You got that right." Rainbow Dash performed a loop and landed on her feet. "So you want to know what happened when we tried to hook up with Big Macintosh?"

"Well yeah, you guys all act like she flew off the handle or something," Twilight said. Pinkie Pie trembled, and glomped onto Dash's waist.

"Oh… It was worse than that," Pinkie Pie said with a tremble in her voice. She leaned her head to rest on Rainbow Dash's shoulder.

Rainbow Dash nodded in agreement, as she stroked Pinkie Pie's side. "All we did was try to ask Applejack permission to bang him, and sure we got just a _little_ carried away, but she didn't need to do all of that!"

"Well, what did she do?" Twilight asked curiously, as she gripped at the sleeve of her jacket.

Pinkie Pie answered that. "She beat the crap out of us, that's what!"

"What? Applejack?" Twilight gasped. "You can't be serious!"

"I'm not Sirius, I'm Pinkie Pie! Oh, right, I _am_ serious!" Pinkie Pie insisted.

Rainbow Dash nodded. "She just hauled off on us, and beat me over the head with Pinkie Pie. We were at Red Heart's Clinic for hours after!"

"But-But how? Why?" Twilight gasped.

"I dunno! She's just really overprotective of him." Pinkie Pie made to grab Twilight's arm, but Twilight was able to stay out of range.

"I-I think I get the idea," she said. She sighed. "Well great… How am I supposed to date Big Macintosh if Applejack would prevent me from… From…" Twilight's eyes lit up. "Of course!"

"Of course!" Pinkie Pie cheered. "We sex up Applejack first, _then_ her brother!" She turned to Dash and laughed. "It was _so obvious!"_

"Oh man, that might actually work!"

Twilight stared at the two of them, incredulous. "Uh, I was actually just thinking of getting on Applejack's good side, and then asking her for permission."

"Oh! Well, that works too! In fact, we can modify my idea to work with yours!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. "Getting on her good side _with sex!"_

"Is there anything else you two think about besides that?" Twilight asked, exasperated.

"Sure we do! But it just kind of naturally comes up in this situation," Pinkie explained.

Rainbow Dash agreed. "Speaking of, it's been like two months since I've gotten any play, you know?"

Twilight sighed. "Well then you two go make out or whatever, I need to go plot on how to get on Applejack's good side."

At that, Rainbow Dash grinned and squeezed Pinkie Pie affectionately. "Well _there's_ an idea!"

"I love it!" She flopped into Dash's arms and held an arm dramatically over her face. "Carry me away and ravish me like some… Flying… Ravisher!" She looked over at Twilight. "Hey Twilight, can you set the mood a little? I mean, you write erotic stories right?"

Her face solid red, Twilight shook her head. "What are you talking about, I don't write erotica, that's crazy, you're crazy! J-Just go and screw somewhere! I have to go make plans!"

She turned and ran for her life. _"And hide all of my fanfiction!"_

Rainbow Dash watched her go and shrugged her shoulders. "Ah well," She grinned at Pinkie Pie and held her closer, "More Pie for me."

With that, she took off straight for someplace a little cozier for sloppy winged-girl on earth-girl makeouts.

* * *

It was going to be perfect, Twilight decided to herself. With her fool-proof plan, she'd be asking Big Macintosh out on a date with Applejack's overwhelming seal of approval. Racing past the front entrance to the orchard, she all but charged down the path to the humble farmhouse, looking around for wherever the down-to-earth Earth Folk could be. Out the corner of her eye, she thought she spotted Applejack, but realized it was just her younger sister Applebloom. That moment of distraction cost her dearly, as she ran right into Big Macintosh.

"Oof!" Twilight fell onto her back, but quickly sat up. "Ow…who put that wall there?"

"Everything okay, Miss Twilight? You seem to be in a hurry." At his voice, Twilight snapped her gaze upward, and blushed. He was looking down at her, part concerned and part confused. "You came tearin' down the path like your hair was on fire."

Twilight raised her hands and shook her head. "Oh no, no! I'm fine, I was just looking for Applejack, that's all." She giggled nervously.

"Well, she just came back from finishin' her buckin', so ah reckon she's up in her room." Big Macintosh looked over towards the second floor of the old farm house, and pointed out one window in particular.

Twilight brought her hands to her temples as her horn began to glow. "I already have a fix on her, thanks Big Macintosh!"

Before Big Macintosh could get another word in edge-wise, Twilight disappeared in a flash of light, surprising him. Bringing a hand up to the back of his head, he looked up towards the house again, and shook his head. Never did he see anyfolk in such a hurry to see Jack.

An instant after she teleported out, Twilight appeared in Applejack's room. "Hey Applejack, I wanted to ask if you-!"

"WHAT IN TARNATION?" Applejack's scream was deafeningly loud in the small bathroom. Or more specifically, the small shower stall that Twilight now occupied with her.

It was kind of odd the thoughts that entered your mind before you realized you had teleported into your friend's shower while she was completely naked. Like the fact she was tanned all over. Then, reality caught up.

"OH MY GOSH I'M SORRY!"

In the scramble that followed, Twilight nearly shattered the glass of the shower stall as she shoved the door open, and landed with a thump on the bathroom floor, a moderately drenched heap. Applejack, who had been shoving Twilight out, fell with a squawk and landed on the horned girl's back, causing her to let out a yelp of pain.

For a brief moment they laid there, with the only sound being the shower running, before Applejack spoke. "Sugarcube, why'd you teleport into the shower with me?"

"I uh, I didn't know it was your shower," Twilight mumbled, her cheeks bright red. "I just teleported to where you were."

"Right." Applejack got up, and leaned into the stall to turn off the shower before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around herself. "What's your big hurry, anyhow?"

"Um, er, uh," Twilight intelligently responded. "I mean uh… That is…!"

She was so flustered she'd quite forgotten what she had teleported in for. _This is worse than that time with the Princess…!_

Before she could babble further, Twilight lightly punched herself in the side of the head, and hopped back onto her train of thought. "Oh, well it's a slow day at the library because it's so nice out, so I decided I'd come help you out around the orchard today!"

"Uh huh," Applejack said dryly, pulling her towel more closely around herself. "Well thank you kindly, Twilight, but ah don't need help in the orchard today."

"Well, do you need help with anything today? I mean, I'm free all day. Spike's back in Camelot to help Princess Celestia with getting Princess Luna acclimated, Rarity's working, Fluttershy had errands to go on, and Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are off making out somewhere." Twilight stopped cold at that, and buried her face in her palm. That… was a little too much info.

Applejack seemed to take it in stride. "Well, they tend to do that," she said with a wry tone. She sighed, and thought things over. "Tell you what… Ah might need some help with the cart out in the marketplace today. If you really want to help, you can join me there."

Twilight beamed, and got up to her feet. "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll be downstairs waiting!" She gave Applejack a surprisingly tight hug, and then vanished, giddy that her plan was now in motion.

Applejack meanwhile stared after Twilight and shook her head, blowing a breath through her lips in bemusement.

Some time later Applejack headed into the town square, pulling the family Apple cart into the marketplace proper. Twilight walked alongside, trying not to look too eager.

Applejack brought it to a stop in what Twilight assumed was it's usual location, and locked the wheels in place. She then pulled on her apron. She smiled as she did a last check of all her wares, and turned around to look out on the crowds of shopping Folk.

"Come one, come all! We've got fritters, pies, tarts, muffins, and of course the old classic," she held up an apple in her hand with a bright smile, "in several lovely varieties, all to suit your individual palate!"

Having a wide vocabulary did offer benefits when it came to selling. However, were it to ever be revealed, Rarity would go into "etiquette teacher' mode and she'd never hear the end of it. Already, Applejack was looking a bit warily at Twilight.

Twilight inwardly congratulated herself on her sneakiness. By showing Applejack that she was a hard worker and quite helpful, it'd be easy as Pinkie Pie to get her permission to approach Big Macintosh. Wait, easy as Pinkie Pie? Oh dear, she'd have to apologize to Pinkie Pie for thinking that later.

"Hey Twilight… You ever sell anything before?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow. She wasn't ungrateful but she was a little curious. Maybe suspicious, but not overtly so. It just seemed a little unusual.

On the other hand, Applejack reminded herself that Twilight was from the city. It was only natural of her to be curious about their lives, right?

"I once sold cookies for the Filly Scouts when I was younger, it can't be much more different, can it?"

"Well, fair enough," Applejack allowed. "Grab an apron and keep an eye out."

"Okay!" Twilight put on an apron and stands next to Applejack, looking bright eyed and eager to make the sale. Maybe a little too eager? She had no time to throttle it when two potential customers approached.

A tall, handsome Earth Folk in a brown suit, brown jacket and sneakers walked by, a blonde female Winged Folk with gray wings accompanying him. The blonde had two very distinctive features-Her bosom, which was quite healthy, and her eyes, which appeared permanently cross-eyed. The Earth Folk man was excitedly talking about something and the Winged girl was eagerly listening to every word.

"So anyway, the whole thing was made of candy. _Candy, can you believe it?_ It came to life and tried to eat me!"

"Sounds like some kind of bizarre political allegory!" The blonde said cheerfully.

"If it was, I got the feeling it wasn't very good."

"Good tasting or good allegory?" The blonde asked curiously. The man grimaced and rubbed his stomach.

"Both."

"Hi!" Twilight said cheerfully as she teleported herself in front of them.

"Ah, hi," the man said, looking a bit startled. The blonde smiled broadly.

"Hello!"

"Would you be interested in purchasing some Sweet Apple Acres pastries and/or confections? They're super delicious!" Twilight pitched.

"Well, we do have somewhere to-" The blonde began.

"In fact, according to 9 out of 10 Earth and Winged folk between the ages of 16 and 32, Sweet Apple Acres' pastries are considered 30 percent more satisfying to eat than most other brands!" Twilight continued.

"Well, I'm a bit older than that so it doesn't really apply," the man said, trying to move past with a polite smile. Twilight, however, barred their way

"Well, according to my graph, as can be seen here with the purple line, those who do enjoy pastries from Sweet Apple Acres are likelier to have a more positive outlook and be at least twenty percent happier than those who don't."

"Really? Twenty percent?" The blonde asked cheerfully. "Hm, is that of just a general level of happiness or of my own personal level of happiness, because that tends to vary!"

Applejack cleared her throat, somewhat significantly. Twilight didn't seem to notice. "Well, this pie graph, the crumb-top apple is really good by the way, shows that there's a marked increase in general happiness, idiosyncratic happiness, and the happiness of all related parties involved in the sale and purchase of the pastries!"

"How existential!" The cross-eyed blonde said.

"Ah… Listen, will you let us go if we buy some?" The man asked, a tiny hint of desperation in his voice.

"Well, how much do you intend to buy?" Ah, just like her Filly Scout days. Celestia would be proud.

Applejack grabbed Twilight's shoulders from behind and managed a slightly forced smile at the couple. "Ah, eheheheh… Why don't you just take these free samples, Doctor, Miss Derpy?" She handed them some fritters. Derpy frowned.

"Well, I wouldn't mind some bananas too-"

"She loves them, goodbye!" The Doctor said, yanking Derpy with him as they headed down the street. Applejack sighed, and turned Twilight around. She gave the shorter girl a hard look.

Twilight pouted a little. "Just a little more pressure and I would've had that sale."

"Right, sugarcube? Ah don't normally go for high pressure sales, the customers don't neither. Why don't we just take it easy, ah'll show you how to make a proper pitch and then ah reckon we'll take it from there, alright?"

At that, Twilight acquiesced, and hiked her shoulders. "I'm really sorry, I won't mess up next time, I swear." She smiled. "This is kind of fun though."

"Yeah, but it weren't too fun for them," Applejack reminded her candidly. She frowned suspiciously. "And how did you get all them charts anyway?"

"You know, these summer days are so slow at the library, I just have so much free time and-oh look, another potential customer!" Twilight grabbed Applejack this time and dragged her back to the cart. "Well, howdy!"

"Uh, howdy," the man in tennis gear and sporting a rather ravishing beard said. "I was just looking-"

"For apples, right? They're extremely healthy, you know! Full of fructose and fibers and with a bit of magical infusion, _all_ of the nutrients required for you to live!"

Applejack stopped. "Wait, what."

"Indeed! All presented in a small, delicious package!" Twilight said brightly. The man frowned.

"I was under the impression Sweet Apple Acres Apples were all grown without magic."

"Well they are, but I have this new patent pending method of using magic to remove nutrients from compost and infuse them into the apples-" Twilight began, but the man covered his mouth and ran off. Twilight coughed, and looked over at Applejack with an apologetic smile.

"Um… Too much information?"

"To say the least," Applejack said wryly.

Twilight pleaded. "Ooh, give me another chance, I swear I'll get it right this time! I will sell…" She looked around and picked up a green apple. "This single apple!"

"Uh huh," Applejack said skeptically. She sighed, and shrugged. "All right! Go for it. First thing t' remember though is-"

"The customer's always right?" Twilight asked. Applejack blinked.

"Uh, no-"

"Unfettered capitalism is as bad as a socialist tyranny?"

"Wha-No!"

"Then what?" Twilight asked. Applejack closed her eyes, and counted to ten. She then reopened them.

"Don't come on too strong! Right now, yer actin' like a drunken prom date just before she gets blood dumped on her head." Applejack developed a far away look. "And then the shutters close and the whole place catches fire…"

"Uh, Applejack?" Twilight asked, waving a hand in Applejack's face. The farmer shook her head and coughed, a bit embarrassed.

"Ah, sorry Twilight. Anyway, just be nice, polite, and friendly," Applejack emphasized. "_Friendly."_

"Right, friendly," Twilight said. Friendly! She could do friendly. She had figured out how to use the Elements of Harmony and unleash the _Magic_ of _Friendship!_

The next customer was a younger child, around nine or ten tops, and he was stroking his chin as though he had a beard, while contemplating his next purchase. A child, this would be easy! Twilight leaned over. "Hey there, is there anything you'd like to try?"

The young lad, an Earth Folk, looked up at Twilight. "Well, I've never tried any of these before. My family just moved here from Nottingham, it's my first day out exploring in Sunnyville."

Twilight smiled. "Well, aren't you in luck. I'm new here, myself."

The boy beamed. "You're new too?"

"I've only been here a couple of weeks, but you know what?" At the boy's inquisitive "What?" Twilight giggled. "I've never been happier to be anywhere else, the folk are really nice, and the food is pretty good too."

Twilight then had an idea, and she reached into her pocket. After fishing around for some money, she handed it to Applejack and then gave the boy an apple pie. "Consider it a welcome gift, and expect a big party soon."

The boy graciously took the pie, and breathed in the aroma. "Wow! This smells delicious, thank you Miss!"

"Oh please, we're neighbors now aren't we? Call me Twilight, Twilight Sparkle."

"Okay, Miss Twilight! My name's Pip, thank you for the pie!" Waving to her quickly, and then taking hold of the pie, the young boy turned and headed off, with a big smile on his face and a skip in his step. Folding her arms, Twilight let out a pleased hum.

"Well now, how about that?" Applejack asked with a smile. She patted Twilight on the back-A bit too hard, she nearly sent the slight girl toppling. "Great work!"

"Gah! Heheh…see? I can do friendly, just fine!" Twilight replied as she stood upright again. She smiled broadly. "And uh, other kinds of relationships too."

Twilight hoped she wasn't being _too_ subtle, but if she dropped hints like this gradually it might help Applejack warm up to the idea without bringing up the actual idea.

"Uh… Right," Applejack said, blinking rapidly. "Well… Let's finish up here. Then ah can get home."

"Sure thing!" Twilight said cheerfully.

* * *

Some time later, Applejack was back at the farmhouse, stacking the golden bits in neat piles and tallying up the profits.

"Lessee… Subtract from the profits the following… Repairs, seed, fertilizer," she muttered to herself, scribbling down the sums on a notepad. She looked at the ceiling and frowned. "Do ah need to count the repairs to the house as different from those on the barn…?"

Big Macintosh walked into the kitchen, past Applejack and for the fridge. Opening it, he pulled out a bottle of milk, and without thinking, began drinking straight from it.

"Hey!" Applejack growled. "What in tarnation are you doin'? Put that back right now! And wipe it off!"

"Dangit…" Big Macintosh wiped off the bottle and put it back. He thought he could be slick, and failed. "Ah didn't want to dirty a glass."

"Well yer drinkin' all the milk and that ain't cheap!" She looked back at the sums and scratched her head. "Shucks… Ah can't make heads nor tails of all this." She sighed and stood up. "Here, do somethin' useful, will ya?" Applejack handed the pencil to Big Mac.

Big Macintosh nodded and sat down. He took a look at the numbers and let out a pleased hum. "Did a lot better than usual, did Miss Twilight work out?"

Applejack hummed, and then nodded. "Ah reckon she pulled her weight, in fact she did pretty good for a first timer."

"Y'know, seein' how Miss Twilight is handy with the books, maybe you should be askin' her to help out with the numbers."

Not that he couldn't do it, in fact Big Macintosh more often than not handled tallying the expenses and even did the taxes. He'd just rather not.

"Well, ah suppose ah could ask her to. But…"

"But?"

"Well," Applejack looked a bit uncomfortable. "The thing is… She's been actin' kind of weird around me lately."

At Big Macintosh's uncomprehending look, Applejack sighed. "Ah mean like she's… interested."

"What, in you?" Big Macintosh's eyes grew a little big at that, in surprise.

"Yeah, me," Applejack admitted, with a tiny blush on her cheeks. "Ah mean, she teleported in mah shower, she was so eager to please me…" She sighed. "Frankly it's a little embarrassing…"

After processing that for a brief moment, Big Macintosh put on a small smile, and sat back in his chair. "Well, now that you mention it, she's been comin' round these parts often as of late. Whenever ah run into her, she right off claims to be seein' you."

"Oh no," Applejack sighed, holding a hand up to her forehead. "Not again…!" At her brother's look she held her hands up in appeasement. "Ah mean, I like her just fine! Ah really do! But ah'm not… ah can't really…"

"Yer not as unfastidious as say Pinkie Pie, or Rainbow Dash, or Fluttershy after a few drinks."

"Ah am not havin' this conversation with you, ah am _not,"_ Applejack grumbled.

Big Macintosh chuckled, his green eyes narrowed with a hint of mirth. "Jack, ah reckon you gotta sit down with Miss Twilight, and sort these ol' feelings of hers out before you end up hurting yourself. You're an honest gal, just stick to that strength."

"Little more difficult than it sounds, thank you," Applejack huffed. "She ain't like Rainbow Dash, you know. She's never had friends before! Bet she's never even had a boyfriend." She sighed. "Gotta take care of this properly, and set her down nice and easy…"

There was the flash of a teleportation spell, and Applejack found her arms moving to cover her extremities despite the fact she was clothed. She dropped her arms and scowled.

"Twilight!"

"Ah, sorry! Sorry!" Twilight said, holding her hands up. "I am getting better with my aim though, right?"

"Eeyup. What brings you here?" Big Macintosh asked.

"Oh! Well, um…" Twilight grew shy as she sidled closer to Applejack. "I accidentally took the apron Applejack let me use, and um… I thought I'd bring it back."

"Uhh… Thank you," Applejack said with one eyebrow raised. She took the apron and scooted a bit away. "I'm gonna go… move the pigs to the other pen." Applejack turned and headed out the door, letting the screen door slam shut behind her. She wasn't trying to be rude, but she really didn't want to deal with Twilight at the moment.

She walked to the pen where the pigs were happily wallowing in mud. She opened the pen gate and stomped her foot. "Come on now, all of you! Out, let's go!"

Letting out snorts and oinks, the pigs obediently made their way out of the pen. Applejack herded them to the pen downhill, where the water pooled better and thus their wallow was far muddier. She opened the pen and urged them inside. One, however, was stubborn and stood at the entrance to the pen but went no further.

"Oh come on, Beatrice! Get in!" Applejack ordered. The pig snorted and turned up her nose. Applejack smirked.

"All right, if that's how you wanna play it," she said. She grabbed the pig and hefted her up. She carried her into the pen, and set her down in the mud. Applejack nodded to the pig, who looked up defiantly.

"Now ah told you what would happen, didn't I? Now yer gonna be mocked by the rest of 'em and it serves you right for-"

Twilight then appeared, the horned folk now actually five feet above Applejack. "Hey Applejack, Big Macintosh asked me to look at that paperwork and-AHHH!"

_Splat!_ Applejack groaned as Beatrice triumphantly squealed and trotted off. She opened her eyes, and saw she was now staring into the mud splattered face of Twilight Sparkle. Who was lying prostrate on top of her.

"Hey Sis, ah need yer signature fer…"

Both young women looked up at Applejack's sister, Applebloom, who was wide-eyed as she stared at the two of them in the mud.

"It's not what it looks like!" Applejack shouted. Applebloom blinked rapidly, and her cheeks went bright red

"Ihavetogobye!" She cried, running off for the house. Applejack turned her gaze back to Twilight and glared red hot death at the Horned girl.

"Um…eheh…sorry?" Twilight slowly rolled off her and tried to stand up clumsily in the slippery muck. Applejack made to get back up as well, but Beatrice vindictively rammed the back of Twilight's calves and sent her tipping back on top of the blonde farmer. "Oof-mm?"

"Mmph?" Their lips had met, and Applejack's eyes shot wide open. She then shoved Twilight off and scooted back from her.

"Twilight! Seriously! There's comin' on strong and then there's… there's _you!"_

"Coming on strong? W-what?" Twilight shook her head repeatedly. "No, wait, it's-!"

Applejack shook her head in turn, took a few deep breaths, and stood up. She brushed off her clothing.

"Now look… ah'm flattered, really and truly." She reached down and took Twilight's hand, patting it comfortingly. "But… ah'm not really that kind of girl…"

Twilight stared at her. "…Wait, you think I'm-?"

"HEY TWILIGHT! HEY APPLEJACK-Woah!" Pinkie Pie's loud, chirpy voice erupted through the air. "Hooray! Mud wrestling!" The pink Earth girl leaped right in, splattering Twilight and Applejack with even more mud. She poked her head out of the muck with a happy grin.'

"Oink oink!"

Twilight nodded. "Huh."

She felt a lick to her horn, and Rainbow Dash's upside-down grinning face filled her vision as she hovered above.

"Room for one more?" She asked teasingly.

"Ah! You perv!"

"It's not like that, really," Applejack insisted.

"Well what is it like then?" Pinkie Pie asked, glomping onto Twilight from behind. "Huh huh huh?"

"None of yer beeswax!" Applejack growled. She yanked Twilight back from Pinkie Pie with a scowl. Rainbow Dash grinned at Twilight.

"We were just talking, that's all!" Twilight added. She looked at Applejack. "Okay, I think there's been a misunderstanding I'm not trying to…"

"Now look here, sugarcube," Applejack said, and Rainbow and Pinkie Pie laugh for reasons known only to them. Though as Applejack scowls, Twilight guesses the farmer knows the reasons too. "There's nothin' wrong with this at all, see? And maybe if ah was…" She glanced over at Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, "Like that…"

"Or if your husband had a birthday coming up," Pinkie Pie suggested.

"Or if you were drunker than Fluttershy on four shots of tequila," Rainbow Dash said.

"Or you were a boy, which is impossible to imagine now given how you go around in almost nothing at all," Pinkie Pie said.

Applejack's eyebrows twitched as she glared at them. She stood up and clenched her fists, the very air feeling tense as she stalked towards her colorful antagonists. Pinkie Pie squeaked and even Rainbow Dash looked intimidated.

"Not the ringing bells again!" Pinkie Pie cried.

"Now hold it a second!" Twilight yelled out. "Applejack, I'm not trying to seduce you!"

Everything kind of stopped for a second, and Twilight took that second to realize she'd probably been much louder than she'd intended. Applejack looked at her, blinking.

"Beg yer pardon?" She asked.

"Of course I'm not! I've been trying to be nice to you so I could have a better chance at asking permission to take Big Macintosh out on a date!" She stopped, and the color drained out of her face entirely when she realized what she said.

"What," said Applejack in a dull tone. Her expression was blank, as though unsure what she should be expressing. Pinkie Pie's eyes widened in horror.

"N-No! Please Applejack, she's-don't kill her, she _saved the world and she's got purple hairrrr!"_

Twilight sighed, she may as well let it all out. "It's just that I heard the stories about how you were so protective of him, and I'm really attracted to him and I didn't want you to be angry when I tried asking him out."

Applejack blinked a few times, and tilted her head slightly to the left. "Wait, stories?"

"Like how you beat up Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie for asking to have sex with him."

She couldn't help it, Applejack let out a loud "snerk", confusing Twilight. Reaching up and placing a hand on her hat, Applejack briefly pulled it down over her eyes and shook her head before pulling it back up. "Now listen here sugarcube, ah don't care if you want to date my big brother."

Twilight gave pause. "Wait, you don't?"

"Of course ah don't! He's a grown man, he can take care of himself!" Applejack was all smiles now. "What ah do care about, are _a couple of fools askin' me for permission to have sex with my brother at the most inopportune times_."

She punctuated that with a glare aimed at both Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. Twilight looked at them with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"… What… why… how…?" Twilight tried, but nothing seemed to quite stick. Pinkie Pie looked at her friend, lover, partner in crime, etc.

"You wanna start, or should I?"

Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her head and let out a nervous laugh. "Um… should we start with the whole Apple Cart in the Sunnyville Square thing, or the skywriting thing?"

Twilight's mouth hung open. "Huh?"

"Well, the baseball game was where Applejack boiled over." Pinkie Pie said.

"She even blew up at Rarity after…" Rainbow Dash noted.

"Oh man, Rarity was so mad." Pinkie Pie shivered.

Twilight held up her hand. "You know what? I don't want to know anymore." She looked to Applejack. "I can see why you beat them up."

Applejack grinned. "They're over sexed idiots, but ah still love 'em."

"Awww… C'mere, Applejack!" Rainbow Dash leaped forward and with a boost from her wings, glomped the farmer. Applejack instinctively caught Dash, who was now lying bridal style in her arms. The rainbow haired girl grinned and held the back of her wrist to her forehead.

"We love you too," She purred. Applejack promptly dropped her into the mud. "HEY!" Pinkie Pie giggled madly, only to get a handful of mud in her face.

Applejack turned to Twilight as their other friends had a truly immature but epic mud fight. "If you wanna date my Big Brother, go right ahead, ah won't make a scene about it. Just… don't you go making a scene yerself, all right?"

Twilight Sparkle's eyes seemed to, well, sparkle, as she hugged Applejack excitedly. "Oh Applejack, thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU!"

"Hey, hey, don't go overboard!" Applejack said with a laugh, taking hold of her wrists to pull the smaller girl into a hug. "You act like it'd be yer first time takin' a man out…"

"Well, um…"

Applejack chuckled. "Well, fer that… I am going to have to do something that might break mah heart."

"What?"

The blonde woman sighed. "Ask Rarity fer help…"

* * *

_Dear Princess Celestia, _

_Today I learned to not simply take everything at face value, especially when your friends at face value, and even if your friendship is at its infancy you have to be willing to trust. Talking to your friends directly about whatever issues and problems you might have. I also learned that while your friends may be… well… not the brightest at times, they still mean well and you shouldn't begrudge them for their mistakes._

_Oh, and one other thing…_

Twilight was again leaning against the fence that ringed Sweet Apple Acres, sighing dreamily as she watched Big Macintosh hard at work. This time, he was loading great big bushels of apples into a large cart to haul back into the barn for making apple juice. Standing next to Twilight, were Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Applejack… as morale support.

"Does my hair look okay?" Twilight asked as she stood back and checked her sparklingly shiny hair.

"It's fine, dear." Rarity, sipping a from a large goblet of apple juice, replied.

"What about my clothes?" She checked the front of her dark purple on purple t-shirt, and her blue jeans, keeping an eye out for any specks of dirt.

"You're not getting any cleaner." Rainbow Dash was enjoying some popcorn, waiting for the show to really begin.

"This is the sixteenth time you've worried about this," Applejack pointed out.

"In the last five minutes, I've been keeping count," Pinkie Pie chirped.

"Are ya sure you're up for it?" The farm girl asked.

Twilight looked back over at Big Mac, who wiped the sweat from his many brow, and bit her lower lip. "Oh yesss…"

Applejack grimaced and shoved her forward. "Then GO."

Twilight stumbled and nearly fell flat on her face, but she caught herself and, staggering, made her way up to Big Macintosh, who lowered his hand and looked to her with his usual amiable smile. "Ah, good morning, Miss Twilight, what can ah do for you?"

Twilight stared up at Big Macintosh, his red flannel shirt unbuttoned to reveal the sweat-soaked white t-shirt underneath, his healthily tanned skin glistening in the morning sun, the way the wind caught his hair perfectly…

Rarity's eyebrows rose.

Rainbow Dash popped another piece of popcorn into her mouth.

Pinkie Pie stole some popcorn from Dash's bag.

Applejack let out a hum, silently encouraging Twilight to just ask.

And the brain of the smartest Horned Folk in Sunnyville promptly shut down.

"I was wondering if I could… uh… h-help you with your taxes… if you… hehe… want me to…?"

The other four girls broke into laughter, as Big Macintosh blinked in confusion at the rather out of the blue question.

…_Making boyfriends isn't even half as easy as making friends._

* * *

A/N: Another chapter coming soon…


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